before and after

Well, I hit the 20 pound weight-loss mark last week (only 11 more to go). So, I thought I should celebrate by posting some before and after photos.


Back in August, 2008 (with Elder Russell)


New Year's Day (2009) with my brother and dad




Friday March 20, 2009 (thanks for the photo Liliya)

does God tease?

Is it possible that God teases people? Does he dangle something great in front of someone knowing that the individual can't have it? Or is He encouraging the individual to work harder for that something great?

home

I decided, I'm taking the job at Adams & Hanover. Thus, I'll be back in PA for most of June and July :)

I'll probably hang around Utah for a good chunk of May in hopes of getting some stuff done and continuing to drop pounds...I'm only 11 pounds from my first goal!!!

missed opportunity

Have you ever spent so much time trying to get up the guts to do (or say in my case) something, that by the time you finally did so, you had completely missed your opportunity?

I'm slightly frustrated with myself and my life right now.

out of my league

So, I always fall for the guys who are out of my league. Or maybe, my problem is thinking that they're out of my league in the first place. I know I shouldn't do it. If I like the guy, I like that guy. However, that vivid 7th grade memory still haunts me...the one where the two guys across from at the lunch table (we had assigned seating because several kids had gotten in trouble) started listing the girls in the class from the fattest to smallest:
Boy #1 "So, who's the fattest girl in the class?"
Boy#1 and Boy #2 respond in unison with the name of a girl.
Boy #1 "Then who?"
Boy #2 "Says another name"
Boy #1 "Then Malinda"

Yep, that's right. I was listed as the third "fattest" girl in class. It's funny how these things carry with you. That old saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me;" it's a lie. Words hurt more.

The odd thing, I look back at pictures from 7th grade...I wasn't even fat. I'll have to find a pic and scan it one of these days. Anyway, those things still haunt the way I feel about myself and how I compare to others. It's stupid, I know. Some day, I'll be over it.

pros and cons of PA

Pennsylvania Pros

• home and family :)
  
• staying up late with my little bro
• guaranteed job
• getting paid to play kickball, dodgeball, and freeze tag,
  
• playing tennis weekly with Scott
• visiting with Betsy
• weekends in the pool at grandmas
• SUNDAYS
• PA bands and concerts (i.e. Far and Fading & The Historic)
• late night Risk games with mom, Jim, Eddie, and Lindsey
• bars with the friends
  
• cranberry juice ;)
• company of Nittany (kitty kitty) and Scooter
• weekend trips to D.C., Philly, and New York
• my own bed in my own room
• Religious diversity
  
• actually having a social life
  
• support system
• being entertained by my drunken friends
• GREEN trees
• silent nights
• being able to see stars
• not having to drive on State Street.
  

Pennsylvania Cons

• Mom always wanting to know where I am and what I'm doing
• the job only being 6 weeks long
• 12-year-olds thinking they're the boss (i.e. stressful job)
• my waistline (i.e. training)
  
• not taking the time or chance to make more friends here
• not getting to enjoy Utah in the summer - when I actually have time to do so
• becoming lazy(ier)
• humidity
• breaking out because of the humidity
• not seeing a certain someone every week ;)
  

absence

I've been absent. I haven't known what to write. I admit that I've been guilty of shutting the world around me out...I get like that when I'm down and confused. I'm back to asking God my favorite question, "Why?" I know that I should be asking "What now?" instead. I wish there were something I could have changed...something I could have done (as do many others) to tell Shaunte how beautiful she was and how much she was apart of the Clapper family. Yesterday was my first day back in classes (since flights were canceled in Philly on Monday). I'm not sure how it came up, but Dr. Callahan started talking about how suicide was the only way to escape being part of a community or society defined group. I kinda broke down for a few minutes and had to excuse myself. I think that was the first time I really let myself cry over the whole thing.

I have a week to figure out if I'm going back to PA for the summer or staying here. This decision is stressing me out (you can tell by taking one look at my face). I guess I'm going to have to create my pros and cons list.

I also don't know what to do for housing. I'm not really sure if I want to share a room or not....

Oh, and I have a blind double date tomorrow...I don't know any of parties involved. This could be slightly awkward and I'm feeling rather nervous about it. Especially since my stress is showing on my face. (sigh)