Thanksgiving break

For as long as I can remember I've been talking about how I was going to get out of Pennsylvania someday (and I was especially going to get out of Perry County). I'm slowly starting to realize it's not that bad. While, I don't see Duncannon being my home for the rest of my life, I think I can handle Pennsylvania. I've realized that my location in the world doesn't matter as long as I'm surrounded by family and/or good friends.

I've been home for 8 days now. I only have another 2 remaining (which is sad). Getting back on that plane is going to be so hard. Utah doesn't make me happy. I'm still really torn about whether I want to go back next semester. I know that I'd be much happier here in PA with the people I already know and love. However, there's a lot of financial and practical issues to keep in mind. Man, I hate making decisions based on money.

However, I will use the time in Utah to continue to grow and work on my list of goals form earlier in the year. And, I can't lie, I'm excited to get my exercise routine back and to buy my own groceries and make my own food. I'm pretty frustrated with some of the unintelligent food decisions I have made during my time home. I'm going to take my nutrition plan seriously and follow it to the t in order to maximize its effects.

i always fall for the wrong or impossible guy....

I often think I found the boy I want to marry.

Why does he have to live in Ecuador and speak hardly any English?

Other than those two obstacles, he's nearly perfect. (sigh).

disappointment

I always learn to put hope in God and not expect too much out of people around this time of year. I always say that I'm not going to let myself get disappointed...yet I always do. Most of it has to do with what friendship has evolved into these days. I miss "real" friends...tangible friends that I can laugh with and get hugs from.

Call me old fashioned, but I still like getting letters, talking on the phone, sending real gifts instead of virtual gifts, etc. Yes, I'm thankful for online technologies such as blogs, Facebook, IM, etc and the ability to stay in touch online with those who I most likely wouldn't do so in person but it gets old after awhile. Recently, I've frequently contemplated shutting down my Facebook profile but realized just how out of the loop I would be if I did because people depend on it for communication. What would have happened if I had never fallen into the Facebook trap during my first year at Messiah? How different would my friendships be?

Regardless of how socially acceptable it is and how grateful I am for those who do take the time to use Facebook to say Happy Birthday, Facebook birthday wishes will never generate the same warm, fuzzy feeling as receiving a tangible birthday card that I can hold in my hand, open and close, flip to the other side...or as to the feeling of a good friend calling and singing Happy Birthday on the phone.

sleep

Total hours of sleep between Sunday night and Wednesday night = 13...crazy.

I'm going to try to go get 5 hours tonight. My head is pounding.

security alarms and paranoia

So, apparently you can't stay in the Brimhall building after 11 without an after hours pass. Liz and I were in the Communications Research Lab until midnight tonight. We had to prop the door open at one point (because you need a code to get in it when there isn't a lab assistant there) in order to go print our papers. Apparently, this set off an alarm (that we couldn't hear). This resulted in a very cute security boy coming to see what was happening. Oops.

Then, we were walking from the building down the hill to where Liz's car was parked. As we were walking, we saw this man (who had been sitting in this little gazebo thing) get up and start to walk down the hill in front of us. I got this really weird feeling (kinda like the feeling I got from that dirty man in Banos). So we stopped for a minute. My heart was racing and I was like "Liz, I'd feel more comfortable walking to my car. I know it's on the other side of campus, but it's better lit and you can see everything in front of you." She understood and we turned around. However, we then saw a couple walking that down the hill via another path so we followed them. I think we creeped them out at first cuz Liz started running in her heels so we wouldn't be so far behind them. Man, I can't describe that feeling I had tonight. My heart was racing so fast as I stopped dead in my tracks. Will the fear ever go away?

november rantings

I can't believe it's the middle of November already. I turn 23 in 4 days...crazy. Where have the past 23 years gone? What have I done with my life so far? Complacency has begun to control my life and I'm not a big fan of that. Yet, I'm not really sure what to do anymore to fix it. I keep telling myself "I'll start volunteering after I finish this semester" or "I'll go this organization's meetings next week after this project is done." I'm having difficulty balancing my life.

Anyway, I'm going home next Friday (the 21st). I'm excited. I have plans for just about every day that I'm home. However, I know that I'll still have homework to work on (bleh). So, hopefully I'll be able to find some time to sit down and work on that.

AND, I've lost 12 pounds since I got to Utah. I'm super excited. Another 18 to go...

The U.S. Postal Service

I should be working on statistics or doing work for my research assistantship but I need to blog about something before I can focus.

I've discovered that I take mail for granted. I order something online, I expect it arrive within the next week or two. Or, if I request something from home, it'll arrive in a few days. I naturally expect whatever is addressed to me to be there when it should be (or close to it). I never used to think about all the mail that people might be sending me that I'm not receiving. I've always had faith in the U.S. Postal Service. However, that faith has died.

Let's flash back to December 2006. There was a really awesome missionary in my ward in Camp Hill right before I moved to Philadelphia (Camp Hill always had awesome missionaries but that's beside the point). During the couple of months that he was in Camp Hill was when I started to finally deal with the fact that I was in a "bad" relationship. I would meet with the missionaries and either given them attitude about my problems with the Church or I would often just stare at the wall and not say a word. They kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I finally apologized for my attitude in a note and briefly explained what was going on in my life at that time. Anyway, my point is that I probably shared some things with the missionaries that I shouldn't have--but at that time I didn't really know where to turn (I was still intimidated by the bishop at this time). This guy was so helpful...so sympathetic to what I was going through.

He was going home about the same time I was moving to Philly so we exchanged addresses. I received one letter from him but then they stopped. I sent a letter or card here and there but was ready to give up after a couple of months. When I was in Ecuador, I sent a birthday card..that was the last time I tried to contact him until a couple weeks ago (a year later) when I decided to try to send him another birthday card....

Lo and behold, I received a letter from him the other day. Turns out, he's been responding to me the ENTIRE TIME. I, for some reason, never received his repsonses. It's sad to think that my mail is floating around some post office somewhere. I don't really understand why I never got ANY of his responses. I can understand one letter getting lost or never receiving anything in Ecuador (too much of my mail was lost on its way to Ecuador) but not receiving ANY of his responses...? Was this some kind of conspiracy??? LOL.

Regardless, we have finally touched base after nearly two years and as he said, "It's about damn time."