two weeks

I gave my two weeks (well, three weeks in this case) to my weekend job because I'm going to UTAH for a big chunk of the summer.

I might see if they'll take me back next Christmas but I don't think I want to give up every Friday, Saturday and Sunday of my life for awhile.

I'm defending my thesis in July (finally!) and after that...oh, I pray that things work out career wise. While I am blessed to have my current job as a TSS, I really don't want to do it full-time nor for the rest of my life. It feels good to see improvement in my client but I'm rather bored. I want to use the skills I gained over the past 7 years of my life. I guess the only thing I can do is keep applying and keep praying.

realizing that you're good at something

I found myself re-reading a paper I wrote back in 2009 for my intercultural communication class. I needed to transfer some of the methods section to my thesis and just started skimming the other 30 pages. When I got to the end, I thought "Wow, I'm a really good writer." It always has been my strong point. I may not be a very good creative writer or very good at writing in my personal blogs but when it comes to making information sound pleasant and flowing, I'm good at it.

I want to write more. I don't want to be a glorified babysitter too much longer. I might be able to last for another school year but I really need to get myself back into the PR field. I want to write press releases dang it!

Things have been pretty crazy and stressful. I had a couple days off because of the Easter/Spring break at the schools. I've been able to use this time productively and get caught up on tasks. Now, I just need to get back on track with my workouts and nutrition. I'm looking into joining the Air Force; I'd like to get in as an Officer of Public Affairs. I, however, would like to drop another 10 pounds before meeting with a recruiter.

Things with Victor continue to go in a positive direction. He's waiting on a bail hearing, attempting to get his bail dropped and to get out, get his job back, get back into the daily grind of "real life" while waiting for his actual trial. I didn't get into visit him this evening because I ended up sleeping for a good four hours (I haven't been feeling well) but last week's visit ended with a question that completely caught me off guard.

Well, I'm not about wasting time on the Internet today. I have some things to get done.

It's hard to admit but I'm in slump: mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I've gained 7 lbs in the past three months. I no longer say "No" to items I wouldn't have even considered putting into my body five months ago. I don't like the way I feel but I'm struggling to fix my decisions at home. My experiences at LA Fitness haven't been helping my fitness goals. I build my workout schedule around my training appointments but the last 5 out of 6 times that I've showed up for an appointment, there hasn't been a trainer available or the trainer cancelled an hour or two before my appointment. I'm not getting the accountability and encouragement that I need, the reason I signed up for more training anyway. I know how to work myself out. I don't need someone to just run me through workouts. I need encouragement and a friend in this journey. I don't want to go the opposite direction anymore. I'm tired of making stupid food choices that I only regret later. My pants are too snug, I don't feel good in my clothes anymore. It's just frustrating to go backwards in everything I worked for. I want so bad to be able to move back to Utah for a couple more years in order to finish this journey with a trainer that I know has my best interest in mind, not just money.

I'm frustrated with family members that aren't looking out or my best interest. A particular one that doesn't understand that I don't want to look for jobs just in this area. I'm not happy here. Yeah, things are okay but I don't glow like I did all last year.

I need to find a way to get remotivated. I'm almost two weeks into my 3 - 4 weeks without running, cycling, zumba, lunges, etc. Hopefully, my knee will be healed and I can slowly get back into my old routine. I think that not running makes me cranky.

opinions needed

I have a question for you all and could use some of your opinions. So, a good five or six years ago, I made a two-page scrapbook layout with pictures and captions about my relationship with Brian (We were still dating and talking about marriage when I made this). I have since ripped off a couple of the text blocks but what about the photos? Is it acceptable to keep them in the scrapbook or should I just toss those pages all together? It was my first (and let's be honest, until recently, only) serious relationship. And I did run into Victor again while I was with Brian at the gas station...okay, actually I had left Brian's apartment after an argument and walked across the street to the gas station but still, you get the point. (Funny how those things work).

Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

3-2-1

What I've been fighting and resisting for the past two years finally happened. Those three sacred little words slipped off my tongue tonight. I was caught off guard and just let my feelings slip right on out with my "I love you too". Is this a bad thing, of course not! It just means that it's getting serious. I don't throw those three little words around. In fact, I haven't used them with a guy since...about this time in 2007. That's five years of saving those words to use at the right moment with someone truly special. Although I hoped that my first use would not involve saying them into a phone while looking at him with a piece of glass separating us. It is what it is, and I'm now over that big hurdle of figuring out how to verbalize my emotions.

I never expected this to happen. That visit to the halfway house two years ago was simply to see an old friend. Something touched my heart and I fell; I fell hard.

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." - from somewhere on Facebook

And with that, I say goodnight.

Never tell a trainer that the workout was "too easy"

Seriously, I thought I was going to die right there on that gym mat.

Row 500 meters as quickly as possible
20 kettle bell sweeps (35 lbs)
20 clean and press (10 each arm - 20 lbs)
10 burpees (I haaaaate burpees)
20 breakdowns (plank position while continuously switching between resting on forearms and palms)

all as quickly as possible - repeat two times.

Anytime I stopped to wipe the sweat from my face or take a sip of water, I got yelled at to keep moving.

It sounds easy but I was drenched.




The story behind why this happened to me. They had me work with a female trainer early last week (nothing against female trainers...I want to be one). The first exercise was a bicep curl/shoulder press. She handed me a 7.5 dumbbell. I seriously stood there and laughed for a moment before telling her that I would need the 15s. She continued through a workout, which was decent but all stuff that I already do on my own. It wasn't challenging me. I guess the way I talked to the Trainer Director about it, he understood that I thought it was "too easy." That and I referenced to having one of the best trainers before having to move. So, he decided to kill me on Friday to prove a point. Point taken but I liked every moment of it, just sayin'. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.