"So Malinda, please allow me to say that I am very, very sorry. The friendship that you have offered to me since day one has been nothing less than unconditional. I have simply just returned that favor with complete disregard and can't even begin to tell you how much of an ass I am. No need to even explain that part because you already know. What I did was wrong. There is barely a man on earth even worthy of your friendship, because it is plain as day that you are so genuine. What I'm saying is, I doubt there is another that could match your quality as a person. You have a pure heart. A few months ago, I would have said I have no regrets; but now, I've realized that I have an overwhelming number of regrets. I could only hope that now I may have the privilege to get to really know you more as a person. The person you are and the qualities that make you Malinda....."
"Well, it's always good to be honest, but in a lot of ways being too honest can be...bad. So, how do I build a bridge to overcome brutal honesty to another and maintain it in a way that is no longer bad...that the overall outcome will be good. Now, keep in mind that I am talking about you, and I'm trying my very best to not seen cryptic. As far as I know, you are always completely honest. I've been honest too as far as I can remember, but the point I'm trying to reach is that, despite everything, I really need you. You, specifically...though I realize that I'm in no position to be asking for anything from you, I really do, and I want our friendship to grow. I have a very guilty conscience and I sincerely want to be a better person towards you. It's hit me with some force that I hadn't given you way more attention, and that it took this for me to wake up to that."
Oh geez, not the letter to read in the library. People probably thought I was nuts as the tears rolled down my face. The truth is that I care for him deeply. It's pretty safe to say that I love him. But he's going to spend the next 5 -10 years in prison and who knows if he'll have the ability to keep his act together when he gets out. I want to believe him, but I just...can't. And, I don't want him to devote time to me because he feels guilty. He needs me versus he feels guilty is rather contradicting. I don't know what to do. I'm torn between holding on and moving on.
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