grateful for the Priesthood

I just want to start by saying how grateful I am for the dear male friends of mine who hold the Priesthood. I'm even more grateful for those that I can call up and ask for a blessing.

Updates: for the past several months I've been feeling really sick. I was getting headaches all the time, was really fatigued, dizzy, lightheaded, blurry vision, terrible abdominal pain, irritable and grouchy, stuttering and slurring my words, and just not feeling well. Before, they would come in go, but this past month, it was happening every day. It even got to the point where I had trouble concentrating and would have moments of confusion. So, I finally went to the doctor last week. They ran five different tests (anemia, diabetes, PCOS, cholesterol, and thyroid levels), which means that I had to have five tubes of blood taken. I was a big girl about it though. I didn't kick the poor lady like I did when I got a shot when I was little. :p I like how they talk to you the whole time so that it's over before you even realize it.

My results came back on Thursday; I've been diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Basically, my metabolism hasn't been working for who knows how long. I just know that I felt like my body was shutting down on me.

I started taking the synthetic thyroid hormone on Saturday. On Sunday, I just felt weird, shaky, and really hot all day. But come Monday, it made me weak and psycho. I went to the gym in the morning (in hopes to feel better), but barely had enough energy or will-power to get through a light weight training workout. By the time I got home, hopelessness and "nobody would notice if I'm gone" thoughts started to pop in my head, thoughts that I haven't had in years. I was seriously scared of myself. I called off work and crawled back under my covers in tears. Despite sleeping 9 hours the night before, I slept for another four hours. Crazy, crazy. I went into work for an hour to make some important phone calls. My gym buddy Rhoda convinced me to give Zumba a shot, so I did. I looked like a fool but I can say I did it. Then my other gym buddy Stephanie convinced me to stay for this Body Sculpt class (which I thought I was gonna die in) and then go run a mile afterwards. Then Lauren texted me and told me that she was going to the gym so I stayed to meet her and then ran another mile. All in all, I spent 3 1/2 hours at the gym on Monday trying to distract myself.

Anyway, my other answer to the problem was to tell someone what was going on. Let me tell you, admitting that you're having suicidal thoughts for no reason to someone isn't easy but I knew who I could tell, the same person who knows everything other sensitive and emotional detail about my life. I really think that just telling someone takes a huge weight off of your shoulders. It's like "Wow, someone else is sharing this burden with me." He came and talked to me last night about everything. Tonight, he and his roommate gave me a healing blessing. I'm just incredibly grateful. I've shed a lot of tears over the past week. I know a lot of people go through a lot worse. What I have isn't likely to kill me; I'm gratefully not battling cancer or anything but it's still a huge adjustment. I'm hesitant about having to take medication for the rest of my life. I'm frustrated that I've spent the past three years trying to lose weight without a properly functioning thyroid and metabolism and that the doctors and trainers never caught it before, I'm frustrated that I put up with the headaches and exhaustion for so long. And then just tears from the side effects of the medicine. How it made me feel "not normal" and like a nutcase.

I finally told my mom about what happened with the meds, and her first question was, "Does somebody out there know what's going on so they can check on you?" and I was just happy that I could say, "Yes."

I've had such a great support group. I'm grateful that my diagnosis came while living in Provo; while working where I do, while having a fantastic and understanding supervisor who has let me take several days off, come in late, work from home, etc. while I tried to figure out what was going on. I'm grateful for my friends at the gym who are or have gone through similar situations and have been able to tell me what to expect. I'm grateful for the friend who reminded me that he would be devastated if I did end up doing anything stupid and that I better call him right away if I feel like that again.

He is right, the Lord does love me and he is looking after me.