wavering emotions

OK, here's the thing...I don't really like it here. It's not bad...but it's not a place I've fallen in love with. I know that a lot of that has to do with me and my stage of life but I'm starting to think that God sent me to the wrong place...or maybe I only needed to be here for a few weeks to gain some invaluable experience that I have yet to learn.

1) I find myself feeling very lonely but I don't really have time to go be social. I have 20 hours of reading a week just for my job, then a good 3-4 hours a week for each of my 4 classes. The time that I take to send someone a quick IM, to post a blog and to go to the gym (where I continue to read) is the time I have to myself. Oh, and making meals. That's my time to just think.

2) I don't think I'm cut out for this scholarly life. I'm still trying to figure out why I got in...and why I felt called to be here in the first place. I don't plan on being a professor, I'm not headed towards getting a doctorate. All I knew is that most of the jobs I saw all preferred a masters degree....

3) There's a job opening at Messiah and I'm interested in applying. Coordinator of Alumni and Parent Relations. I think I might go for it.

4) I'm just not really happy here.

5) I'm still figuring out this whole Mormon thing. I don't think I like it. I have trouble developing the personal connection with God when I'm constantly being told what to do by "prophets" and "apostles."

6) I really just want my old life back. I kinda wish the Vanderhoof family had never moved next door and then I would have never felt this stupid contention. I would feel like the rope in the game of tug'o-war. Then again, I wouldn't have met so many awesome people who have been incredible influences in my life.

7) I miss my friends

8) I could really use a hug from my mom right now.

9) The outskirts of Duncannon, PA will always be my home: