I used to be one to wear my heart on my sleeve. I told people what was on my mind and shared my thoughts and feelings. Lately, I have found myself doing a lot less of that. I often find myself burdened with things that I want to share with friends but never actually bring them up. I think that part of that has been due to my in-and-out lifestyle. I come and I go, constantly moving from one place to the next. Another part has been my inability to allow myself to trust people anymore in fear of being hurt again.
As I find myself preparing to move to Utah for at least the next two years, I am filled with waves of emotions. I was once excited and anxious for a change of scenery. Now, I find myself hesitant and scared. I don't want to be so far away from the friendships I have formed over the past several years. Yes, I lived in Ecuador but I knew when I was coming back. I knew that December 22, 2007 meant coming home. As I pack my stuff now, I realize that I don't have the sense of definiteness. A lot changes in two years. I may never come back. And well, to be quite honest, I often ask myself "Why come back?" Other than a handful of awesome friends and immediate family, what do I really have to come back to?
I hope that this blog can not only be way a to keep in touch and keep those I care about updated, I hope that it can help me redevelop honesty as I begin to realize the importance of being open and real in any relationship. I have realized that there is no reason to fear being hurt. Life has moved on from the hell I experienced in the past. I've spent the past couple of weeks thinking about who my friends really are and man, I really love you all. You continue to amaze me.
4 comments:
Well Malinda, if you don't move back, you will know one thing--even tho it's not a hop-skip and a jump to Utah but I'm sure I'll find the time to come visit. I'm sorry I didn't get to come on Sunday, I really wanted to...it's been crazy here trying to move, getting things in line for my job, and then of course Ryan. =) I will definitely keep in touch. If not myspace or this...by text.
I can't believe you're leaving again, but whatever you choose to do, I'm here for ya. =)
Love ya Malinda!!
i still love you!! and i miss you!! and i wish you nothing but luck and gracefullness in your life!!
We love you tons and are so sad we were out of town on Sunday. Hope you had a great time. Also, so excited you decided to make a blog. We can't wait to hear about all your adventures!
Malinda! You must still be on the top list of the coolest people there ever was. Utah bound is bound to mean that we will overlap time in the western stomping grounds, while Preethi and I do our best to appreciate the Sheetz and other fine Treetz of the keystone state. We'll be around Pittsburgh this Saturday and Sunday for some real brotherly time with Jonathan, my younger brother whom you have yet to meet (I think he's the only one remaining). Anyways, he's a hunk, and I think you're great!
Always,
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