i like it when people make decisions easy

by saying one thing but portraying actions that signify the exact opposite.

Three pounds down, 28 to go....

confession

Confession: I've gained weight. A lot of weight. I'm almost right back up to where I was when I first moved to Utah. Amazing how you can work so hard for something just to let it slip by you in a matter of months. I'm frustrated with myself not just for gaining weight, but for feeling like I wasted a whole lot of money on fitness and personal training. I learned a lot and was doing so well, but then I got lazy.

BUT, rather than whine about it and sit around eating my ice cream, I signed myself back up for personal training with my old pal Brian. My first session is in 7.5 hours. Yes, that's right: 8am on a Monday morning. I'm going to die. He pushes me...more than I could ever push myself. And this time, we're experimenting with a low/high carb diet. For 4-5 days, I'll eat a low carb diet (75g) and a helluva lot of protein (240g). Then, for one day I'll eat a high carb (240g) and regular protein (80g) and start all over again. I've done low carbs before (I will never cut out carbs completely - they're necessary for your body to function properly) and responded pretty well to the program...I just admit that I have trouble sticking to it. However, I'm not so sure where all the protein in this low carb plan is gonna go:

Meal 1: 4 eggs and 7 egg whites (52g protein) and 2 slices of 45 cal. sara lee whole wheat bread (19g carbs)
Meal 2: 24 slices deli meat (32g protein) and 2 slices of 45 cal sara lee whole wheat bread
Meal 3: 4 servings (2 cans) of tuna (52g protein) and 1 cup cooked brown rice (37g carbs)
Meal 4: 80z chicken (56g protein) with broccoli, spinach or cauliflower
Meal 5: 7.5 oz. chicken breast cooked (50g protein)

Oooooh geez...that's a lot of food.

I fell in love with this song today

Meredith Andrews - Never Alone

I searched for love when the night came and it closed in
I was alone, but You found me where I was hiding
And now I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name, saying

You're not alone for I am here
Let me wipe away your every fear
My love, I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
And I'm the One who's loved you all your life
All your life

You cry yourself to sleep
'Cause the hurt is real and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost with heartache your closest friend
And everyone else long gone
You've had to face the music on your own
But there is a sweeter song that calls you home, saying

You're not alone for I am here
Let me wipe away your every tear
My love, I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
And I'm the One who's loved you all your life
All your life

Faithful and true forever
My love will carry you

You're not alone for I, I am here
Let me wipe away your every fear
My love, I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
Your darkest night
And I'm the One who's loved you all your life
All your life

shutting down social networking sites

Well, I did it. This morning I canceled MySpace and then Twitter. And approximately 30 seconds ago, I deactivated my Facebook account. We'll see how long this lasts since Facebook makes it so simple to reactivate. I'm going for at least two weeks without it though. I might feel out of the loop, a little lost without unnecessary distractions, and a little sad about not keeping in touch or up-to-date with some people BUT, I figure if we need each other in our lives enough, we'll find another way to communicate. It's actually kind of freeing. I just need to give myself the chance to not be addicted to it anymore and to get out of the habit of posting status updates. In fact, I'm going to try my best to not use status updates when/if I reactivate my account.

On another note, I've been feeling kinda down lately. I'm not exactly why, but I have been. I think a lot of it's stress from all of the work that I need to get done. Other emotions come from not talking to a particular someone. I'm just confused. I thought I was fine, but I miss the friendship we had going...a lot. Hopefully it's not completely dead after just getting short answers and responses I just stopped initiating communication all together. I just gave up on it. Maybe I'll get the guts to pick up the phone and call one of these days but until then, I'll just let my heart continue to ache. Plus, my old roomie and I exchanged pacts the other night, and if I give in now, I'll owe her a spaghetti dinner, lol.


Well, I have thesis stuff to crank out...I really have no desire to work on it. Maybe I'll defer until winter semester....

in awe

I'm just blown away about what happened last night. I was not expecting that conversation at all.