Quick, someone keep me from losing interest in a really great guy. Why do I always want the attention from the guy who won't give it to me instead of the guy who is practically worshipping the ground that I walk on? I need to fix this quick before I ruin something that has the potential of being really awesome. I mean, the guy offered to attend a funeral with me after only knowing me for three weeks! Rare selfless qualities.
Meanwhile, I'd also like to know why someone who has only written to me about Penn State and the weather in State College thinks we have so much in common and should meet. My heart goes out to these shy guys. I'm shy too so I can relate but I think I've learned to translate my shy nature into quiet confidence. I should have just told him from the very beginning that I don't really care (shhh, don't tell my father or Lindsey) about Penn State football.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
My latest (nauseating) experience with ChristianMingle.com
Let's rewind to July when I first opened my ChristianMingle account. I started talking to a couple seemingly nice guys. However, this one guy stuck out. 37, works in school administration overseeing special education contracts, loves outdoor activities and very handsome. It seemed like a good match. So, after a few weeks of talking, I gave it a shot. Granted, he had asked if I was willing to move and had made little comments about what life could be like if we ended up together but I brushed them aside assuming that he wanted to make sure that I was seriously looking for someone and not just having fun. I admit that I was talking to a couple guys and wanted to get to know them before getting involved with anyone but in the end, I was looking for something serious. I had my eye on a guy in Bethesda but he just kinda disappeared when the school semester started.
Anyway, the first date with this guy was good. We went to a bar/grille in York (halfway between Harrisburg and Baltimore) and talked about various things. It was a few weeks before I had time to see him again. I confess that I ignored the red flag of him inviting me to stay a weekend at his place (he does live two hours away). We went mini-golfing. Which again, it was good. We had fun. Then we got ice cream and talked for awhile afterwards. At one point, as he was saying that he was glad that he came, I caught him staring down my shirt as he said, "I like what I see" and he was saying something like, "I want to hold you in my arms tonight" and asked me if I like them touched? Yeah, I should have gone running then, I know. He kept discreetly trying to put his hands on the sides of my chest when he had his arm around me. I moved it away a couple times to give him the hint and then finally flat out told him that I didn't appreciate the fact that he was trying to get a feel.
Needless to say, I haven't seen him since. I had started to date Jean in Wilkes-barre (that's another story in itself...but it's largely my fault it didn't work out). Mr. Baltimore kept texting me. Since he didn't get the hint, I finally put the reason in a more polite tone and said something like, "I enjoyed spending time with you. I had fun but you deserve someone who is crazy about you and I don't see myself being that person." I thought it was well said. A month goes by and he starts texting me again. I explained that I did enjoy spending time with him but expressed my thoughts on chastity and especially the fact that he barely knew me when he tried to get a feel. I told him we had different values. Sex was important to him and purity was important to me. Another month goes by and he texts me again. I expressed myself again and explained that I wanted a spiritual leader in my life. He said he could be but later says, "Can I ask you very blunt questions?" I told him to go for it.
He proceeded to ask me, "Why are you so opposed to us being intimate if it happens? When was the last time you had sex?" I simply responded that it's about staying on the straight and narrow. His only response was, "You didn't answer my question." When I ignored him, he said, "Are you guilty of having had lots of careless sex that you are now embarrassed by it?" Honestly, I'm pretty much enraged by the guts of this guy and simply said, "No, I'm not." He proceeded to ask when the last time I had sex was and when I ignored him again, he ended it with, "I really thought you ad I were soul mates and that we would get along really well. But I guess I was wrong. I was ready to one day make you my wife!" I was at work when I read this and just laughed at his contradicting statements for like 10 minutes.
Part of my wants to lay into the guy about how, if I believed in soul mates, my soul mate would treat me with more respect and reverence than how he's treating me. However, I know that it is better for me to just ignore him. My only reply was, "I cannot afford to lose my job to have this conversation right now."
I'm just so frustrated with men right now. You didn't want to marry me, you wanted in my pants. I may be a little naive but I'm not a complete idiot.
Anyway, the first date with this guy was good. We went to a bar/grille in York (halfway between Harrisburg and Baltimore) and talked about various things. It was a few weeks before I had time to see him again. I confess that I ignored the red flag of him inviting me to stay a weekend at his place (he does live two hours away). We went mini-golfing. Which again, it was good. We had fun. Then we got ice cream and talked for awhile afterwards. At one point, as he was saying that he was glad that he came, I caught him staring down my shirt as he said, "I like what I see" and he was saying something like, "I want to hold you in my arms tonight" and asked me if I like them touched? Yeah, I should have gone running then, I know. He kept discreetly trying to put his hands on the sides of my chest when he had his arm around me. I moved it away a couple times to give him the hint and then finally flat out told him that I didn't appreciate the fact that he was trying to get a feel.
Needless to say, I haven't seen him since. I had started to date Jean in Wilkes-barre (that's another story in itself...but it's largely my fault it didn't work out). Mr. Baltimore kept texting me. Since he didn't get the hint, I finally put the reason in a more polite tone and said something like, "I enjoyed spending time with you. I had fun but you deserve someone who is crazy about you and I don't see myself being that person." I thought it was well said. A month goes by and he starts texting me again. I explained that I did enjoy spending time with him but expressed my thoughts on chastity and especially the fact that he barely knew me when he tried to get a feel. I told him we had different values. Sex was important to him and purity was important to me. Another month goes by and he texts me again. I expressed myself again and explained that I wanted a spiritual leader in my life. He said he could be but later says, "Can I ask you very blunt questions?" I told him to go for it.
He proceeded to ask me, "Why are you so opposed to us being intimate if it happens? When was the last time you had sex?" I simply responded that it's about staying on the straight and narrow. His only response was, "You didn't answer my question." When I ignored him, he said, "Are you guilty of having had lots of careless sex that you are now embarrassed by it?" Honestly, I'm pretty much enraged by the guts of this guy and simply said, "No, I'm not." He proceeded to ask when the last time I had sex was and when I ignored him again, he ended it with, "I really thought you ad I were soul mates and that we would get along really well. But I guess I was wrong. I was ready to one day make you my wife!" I was at work when I read this and just laughed at his contradicting statements for like 10 minutes.
Part of my wants to lay into the guy about how, if I believed in soul mates, my soul mate would treat me with more respect and reverence than how he's treating me. However, I know that it is better for me to just ignore him. My only reply was, "I cannot afford to lose my job to have this conversation right now."
I'm just so frustrated with men right now. You didn't want to marry me, you wanted in my pants. I may be a little naive but I'm not a complete idiot.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Learning to let go
I need to learn how to let go. I'm terrible at it. I was just dating an overall great guy for the past two months. I didn't think we weren't right together so I hesitantly walked away from the relationship. I've been crying over it for the past two weeks. The worst part, my favorite song that had always cheered me up, now makes me cry because he serenaded me with it shortly after meeting.
Needless to say, a lot has changed the last post. I've been tackling a lot of personal items while working to improve the relationship social area of my "wellness triangle." Maybe I'll get better at writing in my blog again.
Needless to say, a lot has changed the last post. I've been tackling a lot of personal items while working to improve the relationship social area of my "wellness triangle." Maybe I'll get better at writing in my blog again.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Things are good, very good
It's been awhile since I've blogged. Things have been quite excellent. I was promote to full-time status at my job. I started back at the Bon-ton on Black Friday and chose to stay. Overall, I enjoy working there as a second job. It's much better than last year now that I only have my availability has Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays instead of Thursday - Sundays. That four days in a row and never having a planned day off was killing me. I confess that I have been spending a majority of my second paycheck at their store. If anyone has any suggestions on how to survive retail jobs without making impulse purchases, I'd be glad to hear them.
Things with Victor have gotten pretty serious. I'm head over heels and as much as the family hates it, it would take a serious violation of my trust to cause me to back down now. He is sincerely one of the sweetest, most caring and perceptive guys I have ever met. I know the circumstances are rough but he's worth waiting a few more years for. I just wish others could see him for what I see him. Someday, they will. One day, they will realize just how perfect he is for me. I get to visit him at least twice, sometimes three - four times, a month. I always leave with a big smile on my face. He just makes me feel so happy.
Things with Victor have gotten pretty serious. I'm head over heels and as much as the family hates it, it would take a serious violation of my trust to cause me to back down now. He is sincerely one of the sweetest, most caring and perceptive guys I have ever met. I know the circumstances are rough but he's worth waiting a few more years for. I just wish others could see him for what I see him. Someday, they will. One day, they will realize just how perfect he is for me. I get to visit him at least twice, sometimes three - four times, a month. I always leave with a big smile on my face. He just makes me feel so happy.
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