Tuesday, December 23, 2008

dreaming of a white christmas

I really wish it would snow. Just a light dusting to make it a white Christmas.




Just a random note: I can donate blood again. I've officially been back in the U.S. for a year :)
But man, I miss Ecuador like crazy.

Friday, December 19, 2008

sleep

So, it's been a couple days since I've gotten more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep...and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Man, I'm glad I'm young.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

a - z

I stole this from Rena...I think she had it on MySpace:


A - Z
- Available: Maybe…define available
- Age: 23
- Annoyance: fakeness
- Animal: sea turtles at the moment

B
- Beer: no thanks. the smell disgusts me.
- Birthday: November 14
- Best Friend: I don’t know anymore….
- Body Part/feature on opposite sex: smile

- Best feeling in the world: knowing that you are special to someone

- Best weather: early fall
- Been in Love: at one time
- Been on stage?: yes
- Believe in Magic: what kind of magic?
- Believe in God: I think so
- Believe in Santa: if only life were that innocent again


C
- Candy: the gummy watermelons!!
- Color: purple, green, and blue
- Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla
- Chinese/Mexican: mexican

- Cake or pie: neither
- Continent/Country to visit: I’m going to go back to Ecuador to visit my friends!!!
- Cheese: Mozerella

D
- Day or Night: Day
- Dance in the rain?: Why not?

E.

- Eggs: not a big fan
- Eyes: Mine are an interesting form of hazel
- Everyone's got a(n): a purpose to fulfill
- Ever failed a class?: yup


F
- Full name: I have one. What about it?
- Foods: I’m a sucker for fruits and veggies


G
- Greatest Fear: skunks

- Goals: short-term: 165, to get this master’s degree; long-term: to find a place/person that/who makes me happy

- Gum: Extra – but I really shouldn’t chew it
- Get along with your parents?: Yeah, pretty much
- Good luck charm: nada


H
- Hair Color: red
- Height: 5' 2”
- Happy: equals friends
- Holiday: Christmas = seeing family and friends
- How do you want to die: ummm, let me get back to you on that one…..

I
- Ice Cream: Moose Tracks
- Instrument: Guitar and Piano (although I can't really play either at this moment)

J
- Jewelry: Fun and funky beads

- Job: one day I will be a PR professional

K
- Kids: they’re fun to play with. I’ll stick to borrowing others' childrend for now
- Kickboxing or karate: ummm, not sure
- Keep a journal?: yeah

L
- Longest Car Ride: Pennsylvania to Utah in 3 days. The longest stretch being from North Manchester, IN to Lakewood, CO: 22 hours.
- Love: is needed
- Letter: X and Q (just because I think they often feel left out)
- Laughed so hard you cried: several times (especially with my Messiah chicas)

M
- Milk flavor: vanilla soy milk
- Movies: I’m a big fan of Juno right now…it makes me laugh
- Motion sickness?: sometimes

- McD’s or BK: Neither – they’re both gross

N
- Number of Siblings: 1
- Number of Piercings: just my ears – but maybe more after I’m done at BYU

O
- One wish: happiness

P
- Perfect Pizza: I’ve discovered that I don’t really like pizza anymore

- Pepsi/Coke: neither

Q
- Quail: man! I picture Doug Funny with his underpants on the outside of his shorts and his belt on his head.

R
- Reason to cry: lonely weekends, bad memories, abuse

- Reality T.V.
: not a fan
- Radio Station: I’m a big fan of Pandora radio – all about customization
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: yeah
- Ring size: 7??
- Song: too many
- Shoe size: 8
- Salad Dressing: French

- Sushi: Mmmm, but dreading the day I get food poisoning from it
- Slept outside: often
- Skinny dipped?: nah
- Shower daily?: claro que si
- Sing well?: Terrible
- In the shower?: not for the past 5 years
- Swear?: recently, like crazy
- Strawberries/Blueberries: strawberries!

T
- Time for bed: many hours away
- Thunderstorms: awesome

U
- Unpredictable: my future

V
- Vacation spot: anywhere with friends


W
- Weakness: pretzels with peanut butter and honey as well as chocolate chip cookies
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: There’s no one quite like me.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Lindsey, Jenn, Eddie, and Rachel F.
- Worst feeling: loneliness

- Wanted to be a model?: No. I’ve never had it in me.
- Where do we go when we die?: Good question. Pray about it.

- Worst Weather?: Quito downpours.

X
- X-Rays: none
- Ex's: and oh’s


Y
- Year it is now: 2008
- Yellow: card

Z
- Zoo animal: zebras


LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you?: um... brian many, many years ago
2.
You went to the mall with?: I do believe the answer is my mother on black friday
3.
You went to dinner with?: the batemans
4.
You talked to on the phone?: my mom
5.
Made you laugh?: eddie
6.
Hugged you?: hmm…
7.
Said they loved you?: my mom
8.
Held your hand?: Francisco – el chico de quito ;)
9. Spoke with?: in person??? My brother

10.
Last person you texted?: caroline

Monday, December 15, 2008

happy

I'm finally happy. It's taken me an entire semester but getting back on that plane after break won't be so bad now.



The Salt Lake City Temple was gorgeous with all of the Christmas lights around it!



I just made it prettier ;)


Two of my friends Caroline (from D.C.) and Claudia (from Mexico City).


Our gingerbread "barn." Heather even made cows, pigs, and sheep. It was brilliant.

Friday, December 12, 2008

friendships before homework

I was going to get a lot done last night. I promise. Then I got invited to go hang with some cool people. "I don't know how long I'll stay," I said. "I have a lot do to but need a study break." That was at 9:30 pm. 6 hours later at 3:30 am, I parted and went back to my own apartment.

I'm glad to be finding my old self again. The one who puts people before books. The added bonus is the great group of people that found to chill with. It's only taken me an entire semester to do so, but I have a feeling it'll be worth it.

Needless to say, I'm a little sleepy today.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I know that it's not proper for me to include an entire article online but I don't know how to go about linking it with a guarantee that you'll be able to see it since it's from a myspace bulletin. I have, however, included the author (Bryan Kemper) and the webpage for his organization, Stand True.

I'm itching to get back into the work that the pro-life movement is doing. Next semester, I'm going to actually work to get Rock for Life going here and, if Bryan will let me despite my current religious affiliation, get the word out about Stand True.

I find this article interesting and it moves me to do further research on Planned Parenthood. I know that Planned Parenthood does do some good things. However, the corruption of the organization and its role as a business (such as the examples below) cannot be hidden.


The Abortion Industry Covers Up Child Rape
- Bryan Kemper www.standtrue.com

Over the past 17 years I have witnessed some of the most grievous and despicable crimes you can imagine. I have spent the last 17 years of my life dedicated to trying to stop many of these crimes , only to have our government pass laws against my efforts and put me in jail for trying to save lives.


In last week's new s letter I talked to you about a tactic we called "Truth Teams". I told you about how I would take a young girl into an abortion clinic and she would ask for a pregnancy test. While I waited for her in the lobby I would pass out pro-life literature and witness to people in the lobby and she would fill the back room with pro-life literature. I told you how on one occasion I witnessed an abortion take place and how that changed my life forever as I committed to God to do this work until babies were not longer being killed.


While the Truth Teams were very effective and we saw many babies saved and women's lives changed from this outreach, it is no longer possible to do. The government has passed what is called the FACE act which makes it a federal offense to do outreaches like this.


Back in the 90's there were two occasions that stick out so clearly in my mind. The girl I would take into the abortion mill with me was only 13 years old. Her parents would usually wait outside and knew what we were doing. This girl was a virgin and had never even kissed a boy in her life, yet twice the abortion mill came out and told us that she was pregnant. They were very clear that they would not report us to law enforcement since I was clearly and adult and she was a child. They told us if we paid them in cash they would do the abortion and not tell anyone.


I know you may be scratching your head right now trying to figure out how a 13 year old virgin who has never even kissed a boy could be pregnant. She obviously wasn't; this fact , however , didn't stop the abortion "doctor" from offering to do an abortion on her (while of course also promising not to tell anyone) .


I have seen so many mind - blowing things like this over the years , and I wonder how the government continues to ignore and protect this industry. Last week another video was released of Planned Parenthood willing to protect adult men from having sex and impregnating 13 year old girls.


Lila Rose and her organization, Live Action Films , have been going undercover to expose Planned Parenthood for who they truly are. This time they caught a nurse on video telling a n investigative reporter posing as a 13 year old girl to lie about her boyfriend's age. She first told her she did not want to know the age, but after being told he was 31 she told the girl to lie. Recently Students for Life of America released a similar investigative video showing the same thing.


I get letters back from people often telling me that while they support me in my pro-life views I am to o harsh on the abortion industry. I am told I should not even use terms like "abortion industry" because it unfairly represents medical clinics.


I do not apologize for one second for the way I have and will continue to portray the abortion industry. This is one of the most corrupt and deceitful industries in the world. Even if you took out the fact they are slaughtering almost 4,000 children a day, the corruption runs deep and organizations like Planned Parenthood must be stopped.


www.standtrue.com

Monday, December 8, 2008

one year

It's been one year since the weekend I traveled to the Guayaquil Temple with El Barrio La Luz (as well as the other things that happened that weekend). Time has definitely flown by for me. I really hope that I'll be able to visit my friends in Ecuador soon.

I got to talk two of my study abroad friends last night. It was sooo good to hear their voices. :)

I slept for 11 hours last night. I certainly didn't have the time to sleep that long, but it felt good. Maybe it will be much needed this week.

Friday, December 5, 2008

important decisions

  • whether to continue education at BYU
  • if so, whether i should move next semester
  • if so, whether i should stay or go home for the summer
  • whether i should continue paying for training
  • whether i should pick up guitar lessons (the instrument i've always wanted to learn how to play)
  • and how in the world i'm going to pay for this all

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

apologies to female and PA drivers

because tonight, I ruined the name for all of us. I do not wish to go into details. Let's just say that I made a pretty stupid (minor) and embarassing mistake. I just contributed to the reason why men make fun of female drivers and I have forever ruined PA drivers' reputations in Utah. My sincerest apologies.

Please pray that I find my pride again. (sigh).

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thanksgiving break

For as long as I can remember I've been talking about how I was going to get out of Pennsylvania someday (and I was especially going to get out of Perry County). I'm slowly starting to realize it's not that bad. While, I don't see Duncannon being my home for the rest of my life, I think I can handle Pennsylvania. I've realized that my location in the world doesn't matter as long as I'm surrounded by family and/or good friends.

I've been home for 8 days now. I only have another 2 remaining (which is sad). Getting back on that plane is going to be so hard. Utah doesn't make me happy. I'm still really torn about whether I want to go back next semester. I know that I'd be much happier here in PA with the people I already know and love. However, there's a lot of financial and practical issues to keep in mind. Man, I hate making decisions based on money.

However, I will use the time in Utah to continue to grow and work on my list of goals form earlier in the year. And, I can't lie, I'm excited to get my exercise routine back and to buy my own groceries and make my own food. I'm pretty frustrated with some of the unintelligent food decisions I have made during my time home. I'm going to take my nutrition plan seriously and follow it to the t in order to maximize its effects.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

i always fall for the wrong or impossible guy....

I often think I found the boy I want to marry.

Why does he have to live in Ecuador and speak hardly any English?

Other than those two obstacles, he's nearly perfect. (sigh).

Saturday, November 15, 2008

disappointment

I always learn to put hope in God and not expect too much out of people around this time of year. I always say that I'm not going to let myself get disappointed...yet I always do. Most of it has to do with what friendship has evolved into these days. I miss "real" friends...tangible friends that I can laugh with and get hugs from.

Call me old fashioned, but I still like getting letters, talking on the phone, sending real gifts instead of virtual gifts, etc. Yes, I'm thankful for online technologies such as blogs, Facebook, IM, etc and the ability to stay in touch online with those who I most likely wouldn't do so in person but it gets old after awhile. Recently, I've frequently contemplated shutting down my Facebook profile but realized just how out of the loop I would be if I did because people depend on it for communication. What would have happened if I had never fallen into the Facebook trap during my first year at Messiah? How different would my friendships be?

Regardless of how socially acceptable it is and how grateful I am for those who do take the time to use Facebook to say Happy Birthday, Facebook birthday wishes will never generate the same warm, fuzzy feeling as receiving a tangible birthday card that I can hold in my hand, open and close, flip to the other side...or as to the feeling of a good friend calling and singing Happy Birthday on the phone.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

sleep

Total hours of sleep between Sunday night and Wednesday night = 13...crazy.

I'm going to try to go get 5 hours tonight. My head is pounding.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

security alarms and paranoia

So, apparently you can't stay in the Brimhall building after 11 without an after hours pass. Liz and I were in the Communications Research Lab until midnight tonight. We had to prop the door open at one point (because you need a code to get in it when there isn't a lab assistant there) in order to go print our papers. Apparently, this set off an alarm (that we couldn't hear). This resulted in a very cute security boy coming to see what was happening. Oops.

Then, we were walking from the building down the hill to where Liz's car was parked. As we were walking, we saw this man (who had been sitting in this little gazebo thing) get up and start to walk down the hill in front of us. I got this really weird feeling (kinda like the feeling I got from that dirty man in Banos). So we stopped for a minute. My heart was racing and I was like "Liz, I'd feel more comfortable walking to my car. I know it's on the other side of campus, but it's better lit and you can see everything in front of you." She understood and we turned around. However, we then saw a couple walking that down the hill via another path so we followed them. I think we creeped them out at first cuz Liz started running in her heels so we wouldn't be so far behind them. Man, I can't describe that feeling I had tonight. My heart was racing so fast as I stopped dead in my tracks. Will the fear ever go away?

Monday, November 10, 2008

november rantings

I can't believe it's the middle of November already. I turn 23 in 4 days...crazy. Where have the past 23 years gone? What have I done with my life so far? Complacency has begun to control my life and I'm not a big fan of that. Yet, I'm not really sure what to do anymore to fix it. I keep telling myself "I'll start volunteering after I finish this semester" or "I'll go this organization's meetings next week after this project is done." I'm having difficulty balancing my life.

Anyway, I'm going home next Friday (the 21st). I'm excited. I have plans for just about every day that I'm home. However, I know that I'll still have homework to work on (bleh). So, hopefully I'll be able to find some time to sit down and work on that.

AND, I've lost 12 pounds since I got to Utah. I'm super excited. Another 18 to go...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The U.S. Postal Service

I should be working on statistics or doing work for my research assistantship but I need to blog about something before I can focus.

I've discovered that I take mail for granted. I order something online, I expect it arrive within the next week or two. Or, if I request something from home, it'll arrive in a few days. I naturally expect whatever is addressed to me to be there when it should be (or close to it). I never used to think about all the mail that people might be sending me that I'm not receiving. I've always had faith in the U.S. Postal Service. However, that faith has died.

Let's flash back to December 2006. There was a really awesome missionary in my ward in Camp Hill right before I moved to Philadelphia (Camp Hill always had awesome missionaries but that's beside the point). During the couple of months that he was in Camp Hill was when I started to finally deal with the fact that I was in a "bad" relationship. I would meet with the missionaries and either given them attitude about my problems with the Church or I would often just stare at the wall and not say a word. They kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I finally apologized for my attitude in a note and briefly explained what was going on in my life at that time. Anyway, my point is that I probably shared some things with the missionaries that I shouldn't have--but at that time I didn't really know where to turn (I was still intimidated by the bishop at this time). This guy was so helpful...so sympathetic to what I was going through.

He was going home about the same time I was moving to Philly so we exchanged addresses. I received one letter from him but then they stopped. I sent a letter or card here and there but was ready to give up after a couple of months. When I was in Ecuador, I sent a birthday card..that was the last time I tried to contact him until a couple weeks ago (a year later) when I decided to try to send him another birthday card....

Lo and behold, I received a letter from him the other day. Turns out, he's been responding to me the ENTIRE TIME. I, for some reason, never received his repsonses. It's sad to think that my mail is floating around some post office somewhere. I don't really understand why I never got ANY of his responses. I can understand one letter getting lost or never receiving anything in Ecuador (too much of my mail was lost on its way to Ecuador) but not receiving ANY of his responses...? Was this some kind of conspiracy??? LOL.

Regardless, we have finally touched base after nearly two years and as he said, "It's about damn time."

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

amendment to my post on proposition 8

Preethi brought up a good point about civil unions versus marriages. I can understand the fear that many religious institutions have about allowing same-sex marriages but I don't think that defining the definition of marriage (a religious term) within a state constitution is the answer.

I forgot to include one my most important opinions. I think it would be a good idea to have the government recognize civil unions between everyone: both hetero- and homosexual couples and leave the religious term "marriage" for religious institutions. This part it is harder for me to put in words. But basically, it would allow religious organizations to define the term "marriage" and yet keep the government from discriminating against any couple because all partnerships would be legally recognized through civil unions rather than the religious term marriage....

But then again, I'm not a political science major and my spark for politics didn't arise until the past couple of years....

Monday, November 3, 2008

scholarship

So, there' s a pretty good chance that I'll be getting a full scholarship next year. How much I owe in student loans (thanks to Messiah) came up in conversation with Dr. Stoker. He told me to send him a note to petition my current scholarship status and he'll take it to the "committee" and try to get me a full scholarship. You have no idea how I excited I am about this. That's an extra $3,000 I can put toward one of my private loans.

Now, I just need to figure out what to write in my "petition."

Saturday, November 1, 2008

proposition 8

Well, I've put off putting my thoughts about Proposition 8 in writing. With only 3 days remaining before the election, I've decided that I need to do this. I'm not an excellent writing when it comes to my thoughts and politics but I'll do my best. I can only hope that this isn't stumbled upon by members of the general public who disagree and are very ardent about expressing their disagreement. The last thing I want is for this to be turned into a bashing ground. I am open to responses and different beliefs and ideas but I hate it when people start bashing those they disagree with. Namecalling was supposed to send with elementary school ;) (Apparently, a good chunk of politicians didn't pick that up).

A brief overview of my problems with Proposition 8:
a) it's brought about by the fear
b) it's discriminatory
c) it forces "Christian" values on those who don't necessary believe in the Christian faith.
d) homosexuality is an innate characteristic--not merely a choice

  • Mormons were forced out of their homes by violent mobs as they traveled farther and farther west across the United States in order to escape. "Christians" burned their houses and holy places of worship to the ground.
  • It took until 1968 for the Supreme Court to declare all forms of racial segregation as unconstitutional
  • Some people, even today in 2008, are afraid to elect a black man as President of the United States.
  • Many of my friends give me a hard time about belonging to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  • Japanese Americans were placed in internment camps after the bombing of Pearl Harbor
  • Women didn't have the right to vote until 1920.
  • Homosexual couples not having the right to marry.
What do all of these items have in common??? FEAR!!! People are afraid of those who are different than themselves as well as the unknown. Yes, homosexuals are different but that doesn't make them any less of a U.S. citizen. Refusing to give them the same rights as a heterosexual couple is a discriminatory action resulting from fear. People complain that kids will be taught about homosexual couples as though they are normal families. I personally think it's better for the children to learn about them now than to be confused later--parents can reinforce their personal values at home.

One of the biggest arguments against same-gender marriages is the moral one that the biblical description of marriage being between a man and a woman--homosexuality is a sin. And while I personally don't necessarily believe that same-gender attraction is morally right, I'm not going to push my beliefs on others. This is the United States. Not everyone belongs to a Christian faith. I don't think that recognizing same-gender marriages is going to physically harm anyone else...so why make such a big deal out of it? There are more important things to worry about (such as California's Proposition 4--that would require parental notification of minors seeking abortions). The Christian Right has often assumed that the right is the only right. If we're so worried about the definition of marriage, let's make it equal for everyone and have the government only recognize civil unions. Keep the term "marriage" as a religious term between the church and the couple. The government would no longer be discriminating against same-sex couples.

Additionally, one of the emphases of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been that acting on homosexuality is a choice (which, yeah, I guess it is) but many others go so far as to claim that being homosexual is a choice. I don't believe that it is a choice. I believe that is an innate characteristic--they're wired slightly differently. Not recognizing this is a denial of one's true self and can lead to depression and other emotional problems. (I've witnessed this denial in action and life has been much better since this person decided to quit denying it). I believe in being true to oneself.

This issue is so personal to me because of my dad. I love my dad, I support my dad (even if I don't always agree). I don't think it's the government's place to decide whether my dad can marry his partner or not. I'd like to leave you with the e-mail I received from my dad today. It's what made me realize that I need to sit down and write what I think instead of just letting it pass by.


"I was watching the ABC national news with Charlie Gibson last evening and
saw this, "the Mormon Church has contributed the most to the 'Vote Yes on
Prop 8' Campaign in California." I don't know where they got their
information but thought that I would share it with you. On the other side,
Ellen Degenerous has contributed the most to vote no to prop 8. She recently
married her partner.

I honestly don't know which rights would be effected if prop 8 passes in
addition to the right to marry. The main issue is that gay and lesbian
couples are tired of being considered second class citizens. All European
countries and Canada recognize gay/lesbian couples and can marry. The United
States is suppose to be the "free-est" country in the world yet, we are so
far behind the real world.

I can tell you this. There are over 1000 rights that married heterosexual
couples have that are recognized by the federal government, whereas Bill & I
do not have access to because Pennsylvania and the federal government does
not recognize our relationship. These rights range from filing taxes
together, inheritance forgiveness, hospital visits, to decisions about
death. Even if we traveled to Massachusetts or California and got married
there, nothing would be recognized by the government.

Now that we finally have the home of our dreams, we would like to have a
ceremony next summer at our home for family and friends to share our love
for each other. This would be considered our official recognition. And when
the time arises for the government to recognize our relation, we will do
what we need to do."

He then continued to inform me of certain agreements he and Bill have so that I would be aware of his wishes if something were to happen to him and the government wouldn't allow Bill to speak for him.


Well, I did it. It wasn't the most clearly nor concisely expressed but now you know my thoughts on Proposition 8....

Thursday, October 30, 2008

crazy roller coaster

Yay Phillies!!!!!
2008 World Series Champions


Today has been a range of emotions:
1) Philly won the World Series last night...I was excited and teary eyed.
2) I didn't sleep last night...I was grumpy today (but not too grumpy because the Phillies won)
3) I'm still 5 chapters behind in Statistics...I'm a little stressed
4) My computer crashed...I'm a little frustrated.
5) I FOUND A CHILDHOOD FRIEND ON MYSPACE!!! I'M SUPER EXCITED!!! (I have been searching for him for years...and finally found him!!!)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Utah fall colors

I went "hiking" with some friends. I walked ahead a bit and took this picture using the self timer. I thought it created a cool effect.


A sunset over Utah Lake


Mountains and fall colors


After the football game on Saturday, I took a nice walk up
to the Provo Temple in order to take some pretty fall pictures:

Pretty!


After lots of hard work, this is what I look like now.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

life is grand

I'm much more content these days. I'm not really sure of the reason...maybe just a lot of people have been praying.

Tomorrow, I need to fill out my absentee ballot and mail it back in...I've been dreading trying to make the final decision of who to vote for.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008



OK, so I have yet to put my reasons for not supporting Prop 8 in writing. Things have been crazy. I haven't had much time to do anything. I did, however, watch the first game of the World Series tonight. Unfortunately, I was doing statistics homework at the same time. I wasn't able to concentrate much on either. BUT one of my roommates watched the last couple of innings with me. You have no idea how I excited I am about that.

College night sometime in Spring '07--it was cold!!

I finished a block class. I feel less stressed now. Even though I have a paper due tomorrow, I'm just using content from the paper I turned in last week for a different class ;) and I have a couple chapters of statistics that I should probably work on tonight. I need to hand in the stats lab tomorrow...I've been putting it off too long.

Well, I would just like to express my progress for some of my personal goals: it keeps me motivated and accountable.

So far, I have used 4 of my 5 personal training sessions. I think that I'm going to buy 5 more (well, more like my mom is giving me an early Christmas present) because it's keeping me in check with the resistance training--what I tend to avoid on my own. Since I joined the gym, I have lost 7 lbs so I'm excited. Hopefully my cute shirts will be flattering again by Christmas. (xcrossing fingersx). Speaking of the gym, I'm headed there now.

Monday, October 20, 2008

compliments

Sometime last week I went to meet with Dr. Stoker (one of my comm. professors) about a paper. Being Dr. Stoker, he asked how I was doing and if I was enjoying the program. I was honest: I love the program but am having a hard time with BYU itself. We talked about politics, my background, my family, and the huge adjustment I've had to make. He looked at me and replied, "Malinda, you seem to have made a lot of big adjustments in your life." Then he went on to list how I first went to Messiah College, how I joined the Church while I was there, how I lived in a third-world country, and then I came to BYU. He went to say that I "seem to be an adventurer" and continued to say how it's nice to have someone with a different opinion. I really needed to hear that. This Proposition 8 thing is making me feel like a social outcast. Sometimes, I wish I would have kept my mouth shut and my beliefs off of my Facebook profile. Yet, I know that in the end, I would have regretted not being true to myself. I'm not going to let the Spiral of Silence get to me.

I've been trying to write down why I don't support Proposition 8 and I've been trying to do so in a non-offensive way...it's hard. Maybe I'll take some time this week to do so (as well as work on my lyrics again). I think it would be beneficial to everyone (especially myself).

Thursday, October 16, 2008

politcal stirring

I seem to be stirring up trouble all around me with my political views and personal opinions on Proposition 8. I like bringing a different opinion to the board. At least I feel like I can still think for myself. (I'm not trying to say that others can't...I just tend to get caught up in what others think that I don't take the time to figure it out on my own...whereas I can honestly say I've been doing so lately).

I am different than most BYU students, I'll be the first to admit it. For this reason, I was hesitant to come but I chose to anyway. The past 2 months has been a huge growing experience and I'm thankful for that opportunity.

Monday, October 13, 2008

lyrics

I've picked up my creative pen again (after a several year pause).
In attempts to write new lyrics, I came up with these:

With fear in our eyes
We walk down the street.
With fear in our eyes
We try to overcome these feats.
With the fear in our eyes
That only God can take away
He can heal these broken hearts
And help us start a brand new day.

OK, they're a little cheesy, I know. But it's my first attempt in awhile.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

ecuador!!!

OK, I'm flooding my blogspot with posts today...but it's Sunday and I like to do this kind of stuff.

I just called my (much older) friend Carlos Murillo in Ecuador. I was so amazed at how my Spanish just came flooding back to me. I had the accent down and everything. It was very impressive. I can't take credit for it though. I think God had a lot of working in that.

I need to call/write to people in Ecuador more. I think I often feel like it takes too much effort to sit down and write a heartfelt letter in Spanish. What would take me 5 minutes in English would take me a half hour in Spanish...but I know that it would be worth it.

inbox answers

I just received this is in my Facebook inbox from A Verse a Week:

Life is full of important decisions. High school seniors - What college to attend? Anyone still in school at any level - what classes to take? College seniors - What next? Pretty much everyone - Where to live? Where to minister? What to do?

In big decisions such as these, we so often turn to everyone for guidance. Counselors, friends, employers, family, even random people we don't even know. But what about God? He has a plan for our lives, and if we turned to Him for decisions - big and small - if we followed His lead instead of the lead of those around us, we would go astray so much less often.

"With all your heart you must trust the Lord and not your own judgement. Always let Him lead you, and he will clear the road for you to follow." Proverbs 3: 5-6

Blessings!



I don't think anything else could have been better targeted to me.

randomness

The other day, I was walking through campus shortly after 6pm on my way back to the Brimhall building--it houses the communication department. I looked over and I saw three deer grazing in the small patch of grass between the Tanner building and the stairs that lead down to the Richards Building. As I paused to just watch them, it really surprised me that so many people just walked by without even taking a second glance. Three magnificent creatures were standing not even 15 feet away from me. How could anyone just walk by them without taking a second look?

Anyway, I'm still really torn about what to do. I really DON'T like it here. I am miserable 75% of the time. I don't think the degree is worth two years of misery.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I awoke this morning to a text message from Brian Vanderhoof: he (well actually his wife) had a baby this morning.

Normally, I'd be full of joy (because I love babies) but I found my response to this message being a "Oh" kind of response. (Let me catch people up--I dated Brian on and off for about three years...we were engaged twice). I'm not sure if that's a normal response or what. I don't even know why I'm writing this in here.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

General Conference

Well, while I nodded off a couple times during Saturday's sessions, I highly enjoyed General Conference. It's one of those things that anyone can watch and take something away from. I know that if I were to sit down and watch it with my Messiah friends, they'd be inspired by many of the words said this weekend. I know I was despite my wavering faith. I especially liked President Monson's talk (I'm pretty sure it was him) about stop wishing for tomorrow or remembering yesterday but to rather live today. It fit perfectly into my last goal.

I admit that yesterday, great loneliness and homesickness fell upon me. Kellyanne was away with her family and Darla was watching General Conference shut away in her own bedroom. I was sitting in the living room all alone. It was quite sad. I've never experienced Conference that way. Then I thought of my Mormon friends throughout the world and realized that we were all watching the same thing at the same time. It brought me great comfort. Then later, after both sessions were over, I realized that it was Saturday night and I had no one to hang out with. When this realization hit, I longed to be back in Pennsylvania with my old friends. Shortly after the tears had started to fall, Kelly called!! It couldn't have been better timing. She cheered me up and I decided to spend my Saturday night at the gym reading my assignments for this week. It was rather nice actually.

I'm so thankful for the wonderful friends I have throughout the world.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

dreary days

It's such a dreary day here in Provo, Utah. It's been raining all day. I hate dreary weather...especially when I'm all alone during it. It's emotionally draining. I tried to get some homework done today, but I nodded off several times. I'm going to leave in a bit and head to the gym in order to wake up myself (I just rearranged that sentence so that it would not end in a preposition but I think that it sounds funny now).

I found myself feeling very homesick today. It's just so lonely. I wish I had the guts to just go and knock on other peoples' doors in my apartment building. Maybe I'll do it someday, but I'm not really feeling up to it at this point. Plus, I know that I really need to get my work done. One of my friends from PA is in Utah right now and she'll be in town on Tuesday!! Yay!! So, I have to get my big assignment done before then.

On another note, has anyone ever heard of/read the Clique series? I just finished the book about Dylan for my research project. It made me feel horrible about myself. The whole book was this girl being obsessed about her looks to get a boy. She was a size six but lied and told everyone she was a size 4. Plus, I made a list of brand name product placements in the book.... I entered all of the brand names into Excel (according to each character they were related)...it took 2 pages to print it out. It's pretty ridiculous. If these books have this affect on a soon-to-be 23 year-old, what are they doing two 12 year-olds? I can only imagine.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Brimhall dwelling

Today, I spent nearly 13 hours in Brimhall, the communications department's building. I left once to walk to the Wilk (the student center) to buy myself a sandwich from Subway for dinner.

While today was very productive, unfortunately everything I accomplished was supposed to be done for today. Thus, I still have a load of work for tomorrow. It's currently 2:15am. I'm curious to see how long I'll make it.

So yes, Brimhall from 10am - 11pm. Crazy. Then I got back and knowing that I needed to keep my goal of going to the gym 4 times a week, I headed over there at about 11:30 and got back around 1:30. Craziness. But now, I had my workout, a nice shower, and I just ate some awesome granola...so I'm good to go.

Monday, September 29, 2008

boys and sports

Boys and sports: two things that seem universally linked together.

I discovered tonight that when it comes to sports, all boys are the same--it runs through veins like blood no matter their race, culture, nor their AGE.

This past summer, I worked as a therapeutic day camp counselor...where we played a lot of games (and sports). While the boys (and some girls) were super competitive, the biggest problem was the accusation of cheating, constant arguing and the "he's out too."

Tonight, I played dodge-ball and two-hand touch football for the ward FHE activity. I went wondering if playing with college-aged guys would be any different than playing with young boys between the ages of 9 and 13. By the end, I concluded that it's really not. While there was less arguing, I noticed the same thing: only trying to get the good players out, or in football, throwing the ball to the "good players," and best of all, "He's out too!."

I could complain that I was open several times but was never thrown the ball, but that's not my point of writing. I can't help but to wonder if sports were always in guys' blood or if much of it has to do with the way sports have evolved in society. I'm curious as to what everyone else thinks.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

house and dog-stting

So, I've been house/dog sitting this past week for the Russell family as they spend their time in DisneyLand. (I'd personally rather be in DisneyLand hunting down Eeyore). It's been eerie at times to be in this big house by myself. Luckily, the dog loves me and she keeps me company.

I've been having problems with her escaping though. She dug giant holes under the gate entrances and ran through the neighborhood while I was in class. Each day I thought I rigged the gates so that she couldn't get out; she constantly proved me wrong. I had to borrow a chain from the neighbor. I come home from class yesterday and she had gotten herself so tangled up that she couldn't move more than 3 or 4 feet. I feel bad but I don't know what else to do.

She's so spoiled but she's a good dog. Except that she has gas. It's terrible. LOL.

This week I've been spending about 2 hours at the gym: I like to read an entire chapter in my textbook while I'm on one of the cardio machines; it takes me about an hour. It's been very relaxing. I've always enjoyed the way I feel after a good workout. I do miss the way I always felt after a good run but I need some more time before I'm ready for that. I think I'll be ready to jump on the treadmill in about two weeks and gradually work my way back up to a 2 mile run. And then come spring, it's back to running outside. yay!!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

changes

Well, here are my changes to work on this semester. There's always room for modifications.


1) I'm joining a 24-hour gym instead of just trying to fit BYU's faciliites into my schedule. There will be no excuse for me not to go if it's open 24 hours of the day (except for Sundays) and I'll be less likely to talk myself out of it if I'm paying for it (I'm actually headed there in...oh about an hour or so).

  • I will go four times a week for a minimum of 30 mins cardio
  • I will lift at least twice a week
  • keep a daily food and exercise log


2) I will talk to at least 2 people at activities and functions rather than just showing up and leaving when it's done

3) I will be more organized and keep my room tidy...I think I'll be more productive this way

4) This will lead to better time-management

5) Devotions and scripture reading on a daily basis

6) I will physically write (instead of typing) at least two journal entries a week

7) I will strive to keep in better contact with friends and family who are important to me, whether that be through face-to face communication, phone calls, letters or electronic means.

8) TRUST that things will work out and not spend so much time worrying about which decision I should make.

and last but not least (for now)

9) LIVE FOR THE PRESENT!!! and enjoy where I am. Instead of constantly reminiscing about the past and wanting to be somewhere else with other people, I'm going to enjoy where I am in the present. In order to do this I will list two positive things about each day.

Monday, September 22, 2008

time of change

Last night's talk with a good friend encouraged me to think about the things I want to change about myself...the things that I can actually control. I'm working on that list. Maybe I'll post it, maybe it'll stay personal. He put everything into perspective for me though. I've been spending too much time worrying about trying to change things that make me who I am.

I went to ward prayer last night. It's a whole new concept for me. I met some cool people though and then went to hang out at an apartment. It was name overload for me. We'll see how many names I can put with faces between now and Sunday.

While, I'm still concerned about the current state of my faith and the surroundings I have placed myself in, I'm learning to make the most of things while I'm here. I do like my program, it's just overwhelming. And, while there are waaaayyy too many people for me on this campus, I have to remember that I should not feel the need to know everyone. A few good friends in the ward, a few good friends in my classes, the friends I had before coming out here, and a couple friends from places outside of the church and school will make a good variety.

I'm working on accepting the fact that I am another face in the crowd...but a valuable and unique face just like everyone else.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

discovery

So, I've been pondering over several things for the past few months. During this process, I discovered something:

In addition to all of the awesome people I met during my five months abroad, I loved Ecuador so much because I wasn't just another face in the crowd. I was a red-headed American in a Latin American world. I stuck out. I didn't blend in. Sure, the hissing (Ecuadorian form of whistling) got annoying and was pretty obnoxious but I admit, I kinda liked it. In an odd way, it made me feel beautiful. Due to the fact that I did stick out, everyone wanted to talk to me. All of the guys wanted to "practice their English" and the girls just wanted to be my friend. They constantly teased me about how when they couldn't find me, they always knew to look for the boys and there I would be...right in the middle of them. Ecuador made me feel...well...special.

As I've walked around campus the past couple of weeks, I looked around and realized that I'm just another face in the crowd at this point. In a student body consisting primarily of white American young adults, I can't stand out with my appearance (I've seen more redheads in Provo in the past 3 weeks than I have in my entire life). And, unfortunately, in this American society, I don't have the appearances that catch someone's first interest. More than once, I've felt slightly intimidated by being surrounded by so many tall, skinny and beautiful girls and have compared myself to them...usually feeling down on myself, knowing that I just can't compare. (I know, it's really not a healthy thing to do).

Moral of my story: Utah isn't Ecuador; If I want to get to know more people, I have to show them what's different about me through my personality. They need to see, by my actions and words, why I shouldn't be considered just another face in the crowd.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Nutella

I have this craving for Nutella. It would be really yummy with peanut butter and pretzels right now. I think I'll have to add it to my things to buy list in a couple of weeks. Mmm. But my stomach is growling so I think I will go make myself a peanut butter and banana sandwhich...even if it is 10:30 at night....

Mmm, such a yummy lunch

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

wavering emotions

OK, here's the thing...I don't really like it here. It's not bad...but it's not a place I've fallen in love with. I know that a lot of that has to do with me and my stage of life but I'm starting to think that God sent me to the wrong place...or maybe I only needed to be here for a few weeks to gain some invaluable experience that I have yet to learn.

1) I find myself feeling very lonely but I don't really have time to go be social. I have 20 hours of reading a week just for my job, then a good 3-4 hours a week for each of my 4 classes. The time that I take to send someone a quick IM, to post a blog and to go to the gym (where I continue to read) is the time I have to myself. Oh, and making meals. That's my time to just think.

2) I don't think I'm cut out for this scholarly life. I'm still trying to figure out why I got in...and why I felt called to be here in the first place. I don't plan on being a professor, I'm not headed towards getting a doctorate. All I knew is that most of the jobs I saw all preferred a masters degree....

3) There's a job opening at Messiah and I'm interested in applying. Coordinator of Alumni and Parent Relations. I think I might go for it.

4) I'm just not really happy here.

5) I'm still figuring out this whole Mormon thing. I don't think I like it. I have trouble developing the personal connection with God when I'm constantly being told what to do by "prophets" and "apostles."

6) I really just want my old life back. I kinda wish the Vanderhoof family had never moved next door and then I would have never felt this stupid contention. I would feel like the rope in the game of tug'o-war. Then again, I wouldn't have met so many awesome people who have been incredible influences in my life.

7) I miss my friends

8) I could really use a hug from my mom right now.

9) The outskirts of Duncannon, PA will always be my home:

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Utah

(this first half of this was written Saturday September 6....)
Well, my Saturday is being spent reading. Yipee. I haven't been very good at it. I just finished going through a chapter in my stats book a second time (this time I actually took notes) and I read about 20 pages at the gym this morning from my media research book. Other than that...I'm really having a hard time concentrating. Before I get into any of the personal reasons (which will be saved for another post), let me highlight a few items of interest since I've gotten here:

1) My first weekend in Utah
I stayed at the Russell's home for most of the weekend. However, a short two day trip to Vegas was included in my adventures.

I arrived at the Russell's home in Orem, UT around 10:00pm Wednesday the 27th. I spent the next day sleeping, taking care of some things online, reading, talking to people etc. At about 5:00pm on Thursday the 28th, I jumped in the backseat of a car along with two of Chris Bateman's (a former Harrisburg missionary who was getting married in Vegas) previous roommates who I had met briefly during my visit to BYU back in May. This isn't something I normally do...staying at some one's house is one thing, but riding in the car with people you barely know is putting your life in their hands.... So, we made it to Vegas at about 10pm that night. I stayed at Julene's home (the bride who I also had only met once before...are we seeing a theme with my network of people?) Julene is one of the sweetest people I've ever met, really. Yet, I felt a little out of place being at her home before the wedding just because I looked around and saw her family, family friends who had known them forever, and her bridesmaid...and there I was...only knowing her through Chris who I only knew because of a little town called Camp Hill. Weird how things happen.

The Las Vegas Temple


Mr. and Mrs. Bateman...adorable


I had to get a picture with the lovely couple


My wedding present for them: this took me hours to finish.

Anyway, I chilled outside of the Las Vegas Temple during the sealing. Went to all of the wedding festivities. Good stuff. I'm glad and honored that I could be there. TJ, Zach and I left the reception around...oh 9pm...which means it was 10pm in Utah. We went down to the strip before we left: I couldn't leave Vegas without being there. It was really neat to see everything. We walked around the casinos for a bit. I admit, it would have been a lot more fun if I had been with my close friends. So, I'll have to get back there someday with more time to explore.



It was probably about 11 when we left to go back to Utah. TJ drove for like a half hour before having to pull off to sleep. Which was fine...I was pretty much passed out in the back. I woke up at one point and found myself constantly looking around and checking my surroundings. We were there for a good four hours. I started thinking about the situation I was in. There I was, sleeping in the back of a car on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere...with two boys I barely knew. I just started to laugh at myself. I really wish that I were a better writer and could really capture my thoughts in words. Needless to say, we didn't get back to the Provo/Orem area until 9:30am. I had to meet my landlord at 10 so I ran into the house, washed up and then continued on my way.

2)My Apartment: Windsor Park
I have a very nice apartment. I won't hesitate to tell you that. I'll have to take some pictures and get them up. I need to finish organizing my room first though. The roommate situation is slightly awkward. I came thinking that the roommates would help me get acquainted and do fun things with me. That thought was quickly shot down:
  • A) Meet Darla, a petite short-haired lady in her 50s whose youngest daughter is 21...one year younger than me. When she first opened the door, I thought she was the mother of one of the girls I moved in...(boy am I glad I kept my mouth shut). She is a pre-acting major but attending at BYU many years ago as the first female in the computer science program for her undergrad work. It's quite awesome if you ask me, just a little awkward at times.
  • B) Then there's Kellyann, who, when I signed the lease told me how "everyone keeps to themselves" and she "likes it that way." Lately, she informed that she doesn't go to anything social. Imiss having (at least one) night owl roommate.
3) BYU Football
After moving everything into my apartment, I then went to the BYU football game--season opener. I felt awkward being in a big crowd by myself. I didn't go until half time, and then I just stood wherever there was an opening. I didn't feel like trying to fight my way to my assigned seat. The actual game was boring for me just because I was lonely but afterwards, I went for a walk and then came back by the stadium. I decided to go see if the players were still around...and sure enough they were. There, I found #35 Matt Bauman who had been a missionary in the Camp Hill Ward when I was baptized. was talking to him for a bit...he reintroduced me to the family and then his mom invited me to join them for dinner. (yay for another free meal). I had a really good time. It made me really thankful for the sweet families of former PA Harrisburg Missionaries. They have blessed my life so much.

4) The Russells
The Russell family...they have been quite amazing as I adjust to my new life here. I spent a good chunk of my first week with them. One day, we celebrated September birthdays...including Elder Russell's. We decorated giant birthday banners and then she had everyone talking into a tape recorder wishing him happy birthday. She even made me do it. I didn't really know what to say. It has to be weird to know that someone from your ward in your mission is now practically living with your family while you can't see them for another year or so.

I'm going to house/dog sit for them next week. They're going to pay me what they would pay to board the dog for the week...which is about $10 a day. So, I'm grateful to have that opportunity to make some extra cash.

Other Notes
Well, I should really be getting some sleep. It's 12:30 and I'm trying really hard to become a morning workout person. So, I'm hoping to get up at 6 tomorrow and hit the gym for an hour. If I can do that 3 or 4 days a week, it'll be quite awesome.

Classes are going well. I'm behind in my reading but slowly catching up. I'm excited about my Research Assistantship: I'm getting paid to read 60 children/adolescent chapter books between now and December. Granted, I have a lot of things to look for while I'm reading them; a lot of coding but I'm getting $16.75 an hour for work that I can do on my own time. I only go to one meeting once a week. Then next semester, I'll have to write the research article on the findings. There's a chance that I'll then be a published author. So exciting!!!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

cross country road trip

Well, I've been trying to figure out if there's a way to change the order that blogspot uploads and posts your selected photos. I'd rather keep the older ones at the top than the bottom...so if anyone else knows how to do so, please let me know.

So, traveling across the country...wow. I'm glad I did it. It's one of those things I just always wanted to do, ya know? I'm so glad I was able to share most of the journey with Lindsey...and stop to see some awesome friends along the way.

I'm going to try to summarize the journey with pictures. They got a little out of order when I uploaded them but I'm going to do my best to get them back in the correct order.


I took this photo up near State College, PA. La Autoridad de la Sierra...I just found it entertaining to find the "Desert Authority" in the middle of green state of Pennsylvania.



I got bored and started taking pictures; there's Lindsey's car in front of me.


Corn in Indiana. Little did I know, I would soon see a lot of this.


I decided to capture a photo of myself as proof that I was really driving. Don't I look like a professional roadtripper???


I think this was in Indiana on our way to Iowa....


Welcome to Illinois...soon, I would pass the mark of the farthest west I had ever gone by car...that being Bushnell, Illinios for Cornerstone Festival 2006.


I thought this barn looked cool.


So we took this back route from Indiana to Iowa...Rt. 24 I believe. We saw lots of small towns...they didn't have much but there certainly were Dollar Generals in just about each small town.


Eureka College!!!


Home of the Republicans....


awesome bridge crossing the Mississippi River


and there's the Mississippi herself


Welcome to Iowa!!!


Home of Iowa 80, the largest truck stop in the country. I made Lindsey stop because Jim and my brother had heard about it on a TV program about it a few weeks ago and since I would be going right by it, they wanted me to stop.


an BREATH-TAKING sky!!


Another gorgeous sky...in Nebraska this time I believe.


a beautiful Nebraska sunset


CCU


my past and my future


this little baby made it all the way to Colorado....now another 9 or so hours to go....


Linsey and I parting ways...she would stay in Colorado for a few days before heading back to Pennsylvania while I would continue on to Utah


the Rocky Mtns through my bug-splattered windshield


scenery at the border of Colorado and Wyoming


"Oh give me a home...where the buffalo roam...."


gorgeous Wyoming!


I was amazed by the various landscapes...for the first hour and then I got bored.


the horizon from the little gas station I stopped at


the same as above


I drove through this awful wind storm. I couldn't get my poor car over 65 in the 75 zone. I only averaged 21 miles per gallon during this stretch of road when I had been getting 28 miles or so.


I just thought this would make an interesting shot


There really are towns in Wyoming!!!


sweet rock formations!!! I had to capture this one.


Again, beautiful!


I thought this looked cool


Pure awesomeness. I love nature...even if man did go through the middle of it....




I didn't have cell phone reception and had been in Wyoming for the past 6 hours....


there were lots of giant windmills. I can't help but to wonder how much energy they are able to produce using them.


Finally, right after Sunset...the Welcome to Utah sign!!!! But with another 2 hours to go until I would arrive in Orem, Utah.