Thanksgiving break

For as long as I can remember I've been talking about how I was going to get out of Pennsylvania someday (and I was especially going to get out of Perry County). I'm slowly starting to realize it's not that bad. While, I don't see Duncannon being my home for the rest of my life, I think I can handle Pennsylvania. I've realized that my location in the world doesn't matter as long as I'm surrounded by family and/or good friends.

I've been home for 8 days now. I only have another 2 remaining (which is sad). Getting back on that plane is going to be so hard. Utah doesn't make me happy. I'm still really torn about whether I want to go back next semester. I know that I'd be much happier here in PA with the people I already know and love. However, there's a lot of financial and practical issues to keep in mind. Man, I hate making decisions based on money.

However, I will use the time in Utah to continue to grow and work on my list of goals form earlier in the year. And, I can't lie, I'm excited to get my exercise routine back and to buy my own groceries and make my own food. I'm pretty frustrated with some of the unintelligent food decisions I have made during my time home. I'm going to take my nutrition plan seriously and follow it to the t in order to maximize its effects.

i always fall for the wrong or impossible guy....

I often think I found the boy I want to marry.

Why does he have to live in Ecuador and speak hardly any English?

Other than those two obstacles, he's nearly perfect. (sigh).

disappointment

I always learn to put hope in God and not expect too much out of people around this time of year. I always say that I'm not going to let myself get disappointed...yet I always do. Most of it has to do with what friendship has evolved into these days. I miss "real" friends...tangible friends that I can laugh with and get hugs from.

Call me old fashioned, but I still like getting letters, talking on the phone, sending real gifts instead of virtual gifts, etc. Yes, I'm thankful for online technologies such as blogs, Facebook, IM, etc and the ability to stay in touch online with those who I most likely wouldn't do so in person but it gets old after awhile. Recently, I've frequently contemplated shutting down my Facebook profile but realized just how out of the loop I would be if I did because people depend on it for communication. What would have happened if I had never fallen into the Facebook trap during my first year at Messiah? How different would my friendships be?

Regardless of how socially acceptable it is and how grateful I am for those who do take the time to use Facebook to say Happy Birthday, Facebook birthday wishes will never generate the same warm, fuzzy feeling as receiving a tangible birthday card that I can hold in my hand, open and close, flip to the other side...or as to the feeling of a good friend calling and singing Happy Birthday on the phone.

sleep

Total hours of sleep between Sunday night and Wednesday night = 13...crazy.

I'm going to try to go get 5 hours tonight. My head is pounding.

security alarms and paranoia

So, apparently you can't stay in the Brimhall building after 11 without an after hours pass. Liz and I were in the Communications Research Lab until midnight tonight. We had to prop the door open at one point (because you need a code to get in it when there isn't a lab assistant there) in order to go print our papers. Apparently, this set off an alarm (that we couldn't hear). This resulted in a very cute security boy coming to see what was happening. Oops.

Then, we were walking from the building down the hill to where Liz's car was parked. As we were walking, we saw this man (who had been sitting in this little gazebo thing) get up and start to walk down the hill in front of us. I got this really weird feeling (kinda like the feeling I got from that dirty man in Banos). So we stopped for a minute. My heart was racing and I was like "Liz, I'd feel more comfortable walking to my car. I know it's on the other side of campus, but it's better lit and you can see everything in front of you." She understood and we turned around. However, we then saw a couple walking that down the hill via another path so we followed them. I think we creeped them out at first cuz Liz started running in her heels so we wouldn't be so far behind them. Man, I can't describe that feeling I had tonight. My heart was racing so fast as I stopped dead in my tracks. Will the fear ever go away?

november rantings

I can't believe it's the middle of November already. I turn 23 in 4 days...crazy. Where have the past 23 years gone? What have I done with my life so far? Complacency has begun to control my life and I'm not a big fan of that. Yet, I'm not really sure what to do anymore to fix it. I keep telling myself "I'll start volunteering after I finish this semester" or "I'll go this organization's meetings next week after this project is done." I'm having difficulty balancing my life.

Anyway, I'm going home next Friday (the 21st). I'm excited. I have plans for just about every day that I'm home. However, I know that I'll still have homework to work on (bleh). So, hopefully I'll be able to find some time to sit down and work on that.

AND, I've lost 12 pounds since I got to Utah. I'm super excited. Another 18 to go...

The U.S. Postal Service

I should be working on statistics or doing work for my research assistantship but I need to blog about something before I can focus.

I've discovered that I take mail for granted. I order something online, I expect it arrive within the next week or two. Or, if I request something from home, it'll arrive in a few days. I naturally expect whatever is addressed to me to be there when it should be (or close to it). I never used to think about all the mail that people might be sending me that I'm not receiving. I've always had faith in the U.S. Postal Service. However, that faith has died.

Let's flash back to December 2006. There was a really awesome missionary in my ward in Camp Hill right before I moved to Philadelphia (Camp Hill always had awesome missionaries but that's beside the point). During the couple of months that he was in Camp Hill was when I started to finally deal with the fact that I was in a "bad" relationship. I would meet with the missionaries and either given them attitude about my problems with the Church or I would often just stare at the wall and not say a word. They kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I finally apologized for my attitude in a note and briefly explained what was going on in my life at that time. Anyway, my point is that I probably shared some things with the missionaries that I shouldn't have--but at that time I didn't really know where to turn (I was still intimidated by the bishop at this time). This guy was so helpful...so sympathetic to what I was going through.

He was going home about the same time I was moving to Philly so we exchanged addresses. I received one letter from him but then they stopped. I sent a letter or card here and there but was ready to give up after a couple of months. When I was in Ecuador, I sent a birthday card..that was the last time I tried to contact him until a couple weeks ago (a year later) when I decided to try to send him another birthday card....

Lo and behold, I received a letter from him the other day. Turns out, he's been responding to me the ENTIRE TIME. I, for some reason, never received his repsonses. It's sad to think that my mail is floating around some post office somewhere. I don't really understand why I never got ANY of his responses. I can understand one letter getting lost or never receiving anything in Ecuador (too much of my mail was lost on its way to Ecuador) but not receiving ANY of his responses...? Was this some kind of conspiracy??? LOL.

Regardless, we have finally touched base after nearly two years and as he said, "It's about damn time."

amendment to my post on proposition 8

Preethi brought up a good point about civil unions versus marriages. I can understand the fear that many religious institutions have about allowing same-sex marriages but I don't think that defining the definition of marriage (a religious term) within a state constitution is the answer.

I forgot to include one my most important opinions. I think it would be a good idea to have the government recognize civil unions between everyone: both hetero- and homosexual couples and leave the religious term "marriage" for religious institutions. This part it is harder for me to put in words. But basically, it would allow religious organizations to define the term "marriage" and yet keep the government from discriminating against any couple because all partnerships would be legally recognized through civil unions rather than the religious term marriage....

But then again, I'm not a political science major and my spark for politics didn't arise until the past couple of years....

scholarship

So, there' s a pretty good chance that I'll be getting a full scholarship next year. How much I owe in student loans (thanks to Messiah) came up in conversation with Dr. Stoker. He told me to send him a note to petition my current scholarship status and he'll take it to the "committee" and try to get me a full scholarship. You have no idea how I excited I am about this. That's an extra $3,000 I can put toward one of my private loans.

Now, I just need to figure out what to write in my "petition."

proposition 8

Well, I've put off putting my thoughts about Proposition 8 in writing. With only 3 days remaining before the election, I've decided that I need to do this. I'm not an excellent writing when it comes to my thoughts and politics but I'll do my best. I can only hope that this isn't stumbled upon by members of the general public who disagree and are very ardent about expressing their disagreement. The last thing I want is for this to be turned into a bashing ground. I am open to responses and different beliefs and ideas but I hate it when people start bashing those they disagree with. Namecalling was supposed to send with elementary school ;) (Apparently, a good chunk of politicians didn't pick that up).

A brief overview of my problems with Proposition 8:
a) it's brought about by the fear
b) it's discriminatory
c) it forces "Christian" values on those who don't necessary believe in the Christian faith.
d) homosexuality is an innate characteristic--not merely a choice

• Mormons were forced out of their homes by violent mobs as they traveled farther and farther west across the United States in order to escape. "Christians" burned their houses and holy places of worship to the ground.
• It took until 1968 for the Supreme Court to declare all forms of racial segregation as unconstitutional
  
• Some people, even today in 2008, are afraid to elect a black man as President of the United States.
  
• Many of my friends give me a hard time about belonging to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
• Japanese Americans were placed in internment camps after the bombing of Pearl Harbor
• Women didn't have the right to vote until 1920.
• Homosexual couples not having the right to marry.

What do all of these items have in common??? FEAR!!! People are afraid of those who are different than themselves as well as the unknown. Yes, homosexuals are different but that doesn't make them any less of a U.S. citizen. Refusing to give them the same rights as a heterosexual couple is a discriminatory action resulting from fear. People complain that kids will be taught about homosexual couples as though they are normal families. I personally think it's better for the children to learn about them now than to be confused later--parents can reinforce their personal values at home.

One of the biggest arguments against same-gender marriages is the moral one that the biblical description of marriage being between a man and a woman--homosexuality is a sin. And while I personally don't necessarily believe that same-gender attraction is morally right, I'm not going to push my beliefs on others. This is the United States. Not everyone belongs to a Christian faith. I don't think that recognizing same-gender marriages is going to physically harm anyone else...so why make such a big deal out of it? There are more important things to worry about (such as California's Proposition 4--that would require parental notification of minors seeking abortions). The Christian Right has often assumed that the right is the only right. If we're so worried about the definition of marriage, let's make it equal for everyone and have the government only recognize civil unions. Keep the term "marriage" as a religious term between the church and the couple. The government would no longer be discriminating against same-sex couples.

Additionally, one of the emphases of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been that acting on homosexuality is a choice (which, yeah, I guess it is) but many others go so far as to claim that being homosexual is a choice. I don't believe that it is a choice. I believe that is an innate characteristic--they're wired slightly differently. Not recognizing this is a denial of one's true self and can lead to depression and other emotional problems. (I've witnessed this denial in action and life has been much better since this person decided to quit denying it). I believe in being true to oneself.

This issue is so personal to me because of my dad. I love my dad, I support my dad (even if I don't always agree). I don't think it's the government's place to decide whether my dad can marry his partner or not. I'd like to leave you with the e-mail I received from my dad today. It's what made me realize that I need to sit down and write what I think instead of just letting it pass by.


"I was watching the ABC national news with Charlie Gibson last evening and
saw this, "the Mormon Church has contributed the most to the 'Vote Yes on
Prop 8' Campaign in California." I don't know where they got their
information but thought that I would share it with you. On the other side,
Ellen Degenerous has contributed the most to vote no to prop 8. She recently
married her partner.

I honestly don't know which rights would be effected if prop 8 passes in
addition to the right to marry. The main issue is that gay and lesbian
couples are tired of being considered second class citizens. All European
countries and Canada recognize gay/lesbian couples and can marry. The United
States is suppose to be the "free-est" country in the world yet, we are so
far behind the real world.

I can tell you this. There are over 1000 rights that married heterosexual
couples have that are recognized by the federal government, whereas Bill & I
do not have access to because Pennsylvania and the federal government does
not recognize our relationship. These rights range from filing taxes
together, inheritance forgiveness, hospital visits, to decisions about
death. Even if we traveled to Massachusetts or California and got married
there, nothing would be recognized by the government.

Now that we finally have the home of our dreams, we would like to have a
ceremony next summer at our home for family and friends to share our love
for each other. This would be considered our official recognition. And when
the time arises for the government to recognize our relation, we will do
what we need to do."

He then continued to inform me of certain agreements he and Bill have so that I would be aware of his wishes if something were to happen to him and the government wouldn't allow Bill to speak for him.


Well, I did it. It wasn't the most clearly nor concisely expressed but now you know my thoughts on Proposition 8....