Monday, March 29, 2010

indecisiveness at its best

Let's be real, I'm a very indecisive person. It's not because I'm too lazy or don't want to take the time to make a decision. Decision-making seriously stresses me out, especially those big, possible life-altering decisions. They tweak me out. I try all of the methods such as listing all of the pros and cons. Then I tweak out about deciding whether something is a good or bad thing. It's like my life falls into shambles when I have to make a huge decision, and I often start asking others to make them for me. I have several of these really big and possibly life-altering decisions to make. Thus, stress levels are way high right now.

This is what's been on my mind lately
1) School: decisions about graduation - when should I take those last two credits to defend my thesis and graduate.
2) School: my thesis topic - every time I think I've made a decision, someone suggests one that is just as interesting and the painful decision process starts all over again.
3)School/Career: Is Communications/PR really what I want to do with my life? Should I go back to school for an MSW? What kind of job to I want to look for? Where do I want to work, east, west, north, south???
4) Activity: Team in Training marathon recommittment. I currently have $1,500 raised...can I raise the other $1,400 necessary to meet the minimum. I have a week to decide.
5) Living Situation: Do I try to sell my Windsor Park contract for spring/summer and live somewhere else. Will that make my social situation better.
6) Living Situation; If I decide to push graduation off until December, do I stay in Utah in the fall or move back home? If I stay in Utah, where should I live? Windsor Park or somewhere else?
7) Relationships: Do I want to be friends with Donaciano? Do I want anything more with Donaciano? Am I scared of being in another relationship after my latest episode? Will I ever love anyone the same way I loved Brian? Was the lady who spoke at Stake Conference last semester right, did I miss my opportunity to marry because I chose school and career over getting married? Then there's the matter of what type of guy I want to date, which is all based on my last and biggest concern regarding indecisiveness.
8) Religion - The Whammy: Am I happy with the church that I'm in? Am I where I'm supposed to be? Is this Church really worth all of the loneliness I've felt the past few years? Do I really believe? Would I be happier if I just went back to my old life with my friends and family? Do I want to date a Mormon guy? Do I want to get married in the temple? Do I even want to get married? Do I believe in God? Do I believe in the Bible as scripture? Do I believe in the Book of Mormon as scripture? What are the Doctrine and Covenants to me?

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