summer

Dear Summer,
I want to start over. It's been too stressful. I'd like another shot to enjoy you. I shouldn't have come home.... life would have been easier if I had stayed in Utah.

Love,
Malinda

guys and sex

Being a guy is a pretty lame excuse for always thinking about sex. When did society decide that it's OK for guys to be that way. I seriously want to go back in time and change all that thinking around. Treating a girl like a sexual object because your mind is "wired that way" doesn't make it acceptable in my book, regardless of what society says.

I'm done. D-O-N-E done with guys like that.

my vent on attraction

I have a lot to blog about (I'm super behind) but I'm really sleepy. It's waaaay past my bedtime. So for now, I'm going to blog about one thing: dating and self confidence.

I'm not sure if anyone remembers my vent about the blind date I was set up on and how my one preference (when it comes to appearance) for dating is that the guy's chest not be bigger than me (in a non-muscular way). If you know me, that leaves some pretty decent room for the guy. Anyway, I was beginning to feel like I was never going to be able to date someone I was actually attracted to. My self esteem spiraled downhill. Then, right before I left to come home, I met Donanciano, a fantastic guy from Mexico. Then, my first full day back in PA, I took my car to Jiffy Lube to get it inspected and one of the workers hit on me and asked for my number. I went out with him last weekend and am going out with him again this weekend. He's just so good for my self esteem right now. He always calls me gorgeous and beautiful. And while, I know that a lot of that is just sweet talk, the fact that a good looking guy like him even wants to go out with me has made me realize that I don't need to be the thin white girl to be beautiful. It's just really opened my eyes. Just because I'm overweight, doesn't mean that I need to be set up with the socially-awkward overweight guys. I am worth waiting for someone I am attracted to.

updates

OK, so I bailed on the 5k race today and decided to wait and run a few in PA this summer. I'll convince a friend or two to run them with me. :)

Yesterday, at the gym, I couldn't figure out why everyone kept giving me funny looks. Then, I remembered that I had the word "ORPHAN" written across my chest. That explained it. If I hadn't spent 4 years at Messiah surrounded by "Orphan" T-shirts every December, I, too, would probably oddly glance at someone wearing an "Orphan" T-shirt.

Provo is growing on me, I admit it. I kinda wish I was sticking around for the summer, but I also know that it'll be good for me to go home for a bit and change the scenery. We all know how terrible I am at staying in the same place for too long. It eats at me. Plus, I miss my friends and family back home. I need to see them for more than 3 hours out of a week at home.

I miss guitar...I kinda put it aside since Brian hasn't had the time to help me learn any new songs (or work on the ones he already taught me). Once again, I'll start that back up when I'm home, once all of these books are read, this paper is finished, and my things are packed.

Well, that's about it for updates. If you're a PA reader, please know that I want to: go hiking, go to Hershey Park, go swimming, watch fireworks, go to concerts, go dancing, watch movies, play games, play tennis...if you're up for any of that - you know how to reach me :)

juniors section

Today, I bought two shirts from the Juniors section. I can't begin to tell you how exciting that was. I thought the Juniors section would be long gone for the rest of my life.

I'm registering to run a 5k next Saturday. 3 miles, I can handle it. I'm hoping to run a couple races over the summer.

Hmm, I shouldn't have baked those brownies today. Tomorrow, I give them all away :)

I love how my blog has turned into a journal of my weight-loss battle. I just want to be healthy.

i hate genetics

and the fact that my family didn't teach me how to make healthy decisions when I was little. I hate the fact that letting me collect all of the TY Beanie Babies in Happy Meals was more important to my father than worrying about my health and the effect it would have on me later in life. I hate the fact that now, despite how hard I work and how well I eat, I'll never be small. When did I let media and American societal views get to me? I'm not really sure, but point being, I don't like what I am. I want to change. I'm trying to change. I feel like I'm getting nowhere. It's been 6 months and I can't get over that 15 lb weight-loss hump. I want, more than anything, to lose the other 15 lbs. I'm just stuck. I've plateaued.

Anyway, no point in getting discouraged. Just gotta keep pushing myself.

summer fun

Well, winter semester was officially over on Wednesday the 22nd. However, after some requests for extensions, I handed in my last paper at about 3pm on Friday. The week consisted of two all-nighters, many days of writing from 9am to 1am, and turning in a good 80 pages worth of work between my three classes. I had two 30 page papers and one 20 pager. It was quite ridiculous. I then celebrated by heading to Vegas to visit Precious, my friend from high school, and her fiance Allen. Good times. And, for the record, I behaved myself. Well, other than the trip to In-N-Out, the cream cheese brownies, and the M&Ms. OK, maybe I could have done a little better, but there was no drinking or gambling involved on my part. You gotta give me credit for that.

My weekend was fantastic, really. It was so good to get away. For the record, Wii Tennis with the drunks you've never met before - highly entertaining. Seriously, Precious and Allen showed me so much of Vegas in two days - I was exhausted.

Now, I'm back in Provo starting classes again (boo) and I hate to admit it, but I think I'm battling a bout of depression again. GAGH! It's annoying. I've been trying to fight it off myself mentally, but I think I might have to break down and get a medical intervention. I've just been so out of character lately. I hate it. It sucks the life out of me: I'm sleepy all the time, unmotivated, lazy. I need a good kick in the rear.

Well, step number 1 - get back into the gym. I'm off to go do some cardio. Maybe that'll help kick the depression where it hurts.

Oh, I also want to add that I went to the ladies Bible study at this little Baptist church in Provo. It was so much fun. I felt like I fit right in. I'm curious to see where God takes me in the next couple years of my life and whether or not I remain in the LDS Church.