absence

I've been absent. I haven't known what to write. I admit that I've been guilty of shutting the world around me out...I get like that when I'm down and confused. I'm back to asking God my favorite question, "Why?" I know that I should be asking "What now?" instead. I wish there were something I could have changed...something I could have done (as do many others) to tell Shaunte how beautiful she was and how much she was apart of the Clapper family. Yesterday was my first day back in classes (since flights were canceled in Philly on Monday). I'm not sure how it came up, but Dr. Callahan started talking about how suicide was the only way to escape being part of a community or society defined group. I kinda broke down for a few minutes and had to excuse myself. I think that was the first time I really let myself cry over the whole thing.

I have a week to figure out if I'm going back to PA for the summer or staying here. This decision is stressing me out (you can tell by taking one look at my face). I guess I'm going to have to create my pros and cons list.

I also don't know what to do for housing. I'm not really sure if I want to share a room or not....

Oh, and I have a blind double date tomorrow...I don't know any of parties involved. This could be slightly awkward and I'm feeling rather nervous about it. Especially since my stress is showing on my face. (sigh)